Biographical Essay
We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow? (800 word limit)***
Since birth, I have been small. I was a premature baby, and now, I'm still five-foot-zero and nearly an adult. The environment around me is filled with people who can touch the ceilings flat-footed while I have to work to avoid being stepped on! Often times, I am completely excluded from discussion, merely because I am not visible to those of the average height. So, what do you do when you are ignored solely on the basis of height? You compensate!
Since I am often overlooked due to my stature, I try to use my charm and personality to my advantage in social situations. Many people call this "personality" The Napoleon Complex, and they mean it negatively. I don't take it as an insult. Napoleon Bonaparte may have been a very loud, rude and sarcastic person, but he did secure France as a major power. I like to take into perspective how successful Napoleon's life was, and how successful I wish to be, and compare our identities. As much as I shield myself behind sarcasm, I am never intentionally rude to someone, and that is the difference between us.
Although Napoleon Bonaparte and I have differences, we also have similarities. I can be ear-splitting when I'm vying for attention, and my tongue is sharper than Napoleon's own sword, but there is something more important between us; we both felt the need to hold the attention of our peers. I love attention; the rush, the expectation, and the drive it takes to meet the audience's standards are electric to me. This is why I have chosen to pursue a major in Communications. At the moment, my ideal job would be a television news anchor or a public relations specialist, but it wasn't always that way.
Recently, my career choice shifted from education to communication. At one point in my life, my strongest urge was to be able to relate to children going through some of the things I went through in childhood. In sixth grade, I started to realize that the school I was raised in wasn't the same. Attitudes had shifted; the administration was even becoming impatient with my brother over absences due to Crohn's Disease! Then, the bullying started. Every day was a struggle to get up, go to school, and focus on what I was there for; an education. The administration of my school saw no fault in my peers' actions. The worst feeling I can remember is sitting in the principal's office and having to face my parents after I tried for so long not to fight back, but ultimately failed. That was my freshman year. After that day, I couldn't pretend that I felt safe or remotely comfortable in that school. Collapsing into tears became a daily routine. I never thought I would make it through my high school years, but I had hope that things would get better, and they did.
On January 7, 2013, I walked into the hallways of Eldorado High School as a transfer student. My hopes were high, as was my anxiety. Trying to put my fears of not fitting in behind me, I jumped straight into new friendships. The quality of education, environment, and excellence had dramatically increased. The decision to switch schools was, hands-down, the best decision I have ever made. Life may not be perfect, but it was drastically improved. Even my brother, who has Asperger's Syndrome, feels less anxious about school. Even though I drive further to attend Eldorado High School, I feel that I can live up to my full potential now that I am learning in a better environment. After my transfer, I made a score of 31 on my ACT, something that would have been impossible a year prior. It is like Albert Schweitzer said: "Happiness is the key to success." I still struggle sometimes, but this quote proved true. As soon as happiness was no longer a worry, neither was success, until I tried to reach the peanut butter. Another thing to remember: Some things never change.
Although I may never get taller, my charisma and knowledge grow every day. In the future, even if I am still a mere five feet tall, I want to be seen as more than a girl that can't reach the drive-thru window. I desire for people to view me according to my personality, which is ten feet taller than I am. My dream is to let the world know that even the shortest people can climb the tallest mountains. So, when things get tough, I remember: It takes a lot of jumping for a petite girl like me to reach the sky, but, if Napoleon can do it, so can I.
A bit of advice, drop the comparison to Napoleon Bonaparte as it does not help move your essay along and is disconnected from the latter part of the paper wherein you discussing bullying. Instead, focus on the bullying, connect it to your physically short stature and then further discuss the obstacles and complications you had to overcome due to your physical shortcoming. The portion where you discussed bullying was very effective. Don't discuss your brother or his illness at all. The admissions committee is not interested in that. Work on further developing the portions of the essay that describe how your short stature and the bullying helped you become a better person in life.
The essay itself is based upon a good and current theme. Save for the few disconnections due to the inclusion of Napoleon and your brother, it has the potential to become a very well written essay. Please take my advice as constructive criticism. Good luck :-)
A bit of advice, drop the comparison to Napoleon Bonaparte as it does not help move your essay along and is disconnected from the latter part of the paper wherein you discussing bullying. Instead, focus on the bullying, connect it to your physically short stature and then further discuss the obstacles and complications you had to overcome due to your physical shortcoming
I think you should follow her advice. What she said is true focus on you.
the start of the letter is a bit strange as you describe your height and how people look at you.
actually if you are going to apply in some educating event, then you have to start with your education journey and how you are interested in learning and knowledge, because from your description, it seems that you will work as a model.
but the rest of the letter is good.
UPDATED: Questbridge Bio Essay Rewrite (Original "Tall Dreams, Short Arms")
We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow?
Let's be honest: My story isn't glamorous. I wish it were. I wish I could lie to you, tell you I am the prom queen, tell you how many friends I had, how easy life is. I wish I could sing about how great high school is, and how flawless my home life is. That's a great story to tell, but it isn't the truth.
The truth is, life's hard. I'm not going to deny or sugar-coat that. Mom's working as a home aide, losing hours by the week. Paychecks are becoming slimmer. Dad lost his job, and what little money he's actually making bounces from his wallet to the bills immediately. We're still paying bills on my shoulder injury from winter, paying bills on my brother's Crohn's, paying bills so my brother with Asperger's can get the help he needs. We're barely scraping by. It's hard. It's hard for my mom, who has a degree, but is working a job that requires a GED, because she can't find anything else. She's requesting deferments for the loans she racked up when she decided to get an education after three kids. It's hard for my dad, who has his Master's degree, but recently lost his job as a mechanic, and can't find a job, even after countless hours spent online, applying for hundreds of jobs. Yeah, it's hard.
But, it's not only hard at home. I wake up, go to school, and pretend. I pretend to enjoy eating my lunch on the floor, because I give up my seat to be nice. I pretend that I shop at high-end stores, so my classmates don't know how much we're struggling. I am terrified that being "poor" will destroy any positive image I possess, so I lie. On top of it all, my school doesn't offer Advanced Placement OR International Baccalaureate classes, so I'm running out of classes to take. It's hard.
I'm going to stay honest, though. Life has been harder. When I was in sixth grade, I realized I was different from my peers. I tried so hard to fit in; I longed to be normal. No matter how hard I tried to act "normal," I was always left out of my group of friends, and, eventually, I ended up the attention of their torment. Then, it spread. You never knew who was talking, who would hit you in the hallway, who would smack your books out of your hands just for fun. The administration gave no ease, and saw no fault in my peer's actions. The worst feeling I can remember was sitting in the principal's office after trying not to fight back after years, but ultimately failing. After that day, I could not pretend I was remotely comfortable attending that school. There were days I thought I wouldn't get through. It was hard, but it got better.
On January 7, 2013, I walked into a new school as a new student. My hopes were almost as high as my anxiety. I immediately changed my image, no longer hiding my uniqueness, which I once believed to be a defect. Life is still full of rigor and challenge, but switching schools was, hands-down, the best decision I ever made. I am no longer bullied, even though I have few friends. I am much happier to be in a safer, better environment. Not only am I happier, I am succeeding academically, and my already adequate grades have risen. After only a year at my new school, I made the highest ACT score in the class. I now realize that happiness is truly the key to success. I also realize how hard I had to work to achieve that score, and how much harder I have to work to make something of myself and pay for college. Life is still going to be hard, and that's not going to change.
Now, don't get me wrong; I do believe life's hard, but I also believe that there is always reason to enjoy it. Yes, my family and I have struggled, and we may struggle in the future, but there's always a form of reward for the work we put out. I worked hard to achieve a good education, and, in return, my hard work got me a 31 ACT score. My family is also positive and supportive, and that, in and of itself, is a blessing. Sometimes, life is hard, but I manage, and I will continue to strive for greatness, no matter the obstacle. I'm not going to let anything get in the way of my dreams, no matter how big or small. It isn't going to be easy, but would it be worth it if it were?
Wonderful! Extremely well written and thought out. This is certainly a paper that could get a grade of 12 out of 12. The way you used imagery and vivid descriptions to relate your story helped to keep me glued to the very end of the essay. I can only imagine what it will be like for an admissions officer to read it. You tell an excellent story of personal growth and overcoming obstacles, both private and public in a manner that makes you an admirable person and a model to others who may be suffering the same ordeal as you. I applaud the way that you revised this paper. It is perfect just the way it is. I would not change a word of it. In my opinion, this is definitely ready to be forwarded to the university of your choice for their consideration :-)
