UC Prompt 1-Taking Advantage of My Opportunities

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how
your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I can feel the beads of sweat gently sloping down the side of my face, due to the blistering heat in the scorching summer sun. I am standing in the middle of the orchard watching my father and grandfather, drenched in sweat, pick peaches. My grandfather always told me that he had emigrated from Pakistan because of all the opportunities in this country. While watching them in the orchard I wondered if picking peaches was the best opportunity he could take advantage of. I would later and ask him and what he told was that he did not emigrate here for himself, but instead for his future grandchildren. He told me that he wanted the most opportunities in life available for me and my siblings, whether I would take advantage of those opportunities was up to me.

At the time I was too young to completely understand my grandfathers message, but as I grew older I understood what he said and promised myself that I would pursue every opportunity that I was presented to better my life. College is one of these opportunities. Many people are not given the opportunity to attend college in other countries, like my grandfather's native Pakistan. Therefore I am grateful to be given this opportunity. Many of my friends dream of being millionaires when they begin working. I do not care as much about money as they do. Instead I dream of being happy with my choices in life. I want to know that I took advantage of the opportunities presented to me, but also that I helped others that did not have opportunities. My grandfather is the one who presented me with the opportunities of this beautiful country. Hopefully someday I can present people, that are in horrid circumstances beyond their control, with the opportunities some take for granted, like college.

I need help fast. Any help in grammar or content will be appreciated. The deadline is approaching and I am starting to stress.
Thanks

"I am standing in the middle of the orchard watching my father and grandfather, drenched in sweat, pick peaches."

"I would later and ask him and what he told was that he did not emigrate here for himself, but instead for his future grandchildren."

Rewrite this sentence. It doesn't make sense as written.

"At the time I was too young to completely understand my grandfathers message, but as I grew older I understood what he said and promised myself that I would pursue every opportunity that I was presented to better my life."

Run on sentence.

"Hopefully someday I can present people, that are in horrid circumstances beyond their control, with the opportunities some take for granted, like college."

Awkward sounding sentence.

Make SURE you proofread before turning it in. Sentences might sound okay in your head, but once you say it out loud you can catch your mistakes.

Hi. I think one thing that you can do is talk more about your dreams. You kind of talk about how you want to go to college to make the lives of the unfortunate people better. I say write something about what major you want to go into and how that would relate to how you want to help the people.

What opportunities would you present to the people? Money? The last few sentences kind of lose the detail you put in the beginning.