insatiable appetite
This is a cliché, so it adds a little bit of boring us to the essay. It's better to come up with a different way to express the same idea!
I have always been fascinated by
Here's another one. This sort of sentence appears to often in the hundreds of essays these people have to read.
The reader is not likely to share your passion for gaming and creating video games. To the admission office reader, this is likely to seem like the goal of the gamer who would rather spend time on video games than on college work. Many people like videogames decide that they would like to learn how to design games, but ironically this can be a mistake because designing games can be tedious and playing games is the opposite of tedious usually.It's a question of whether we choose careers that will have us doing the things we really will enjoy doing every day. I actually agree with your idea about how meaningful it is to create a game that a lot of people will enjoy. I like to think of myself as a writer, so to me as a serious thing we are able to create an experience for other people. However, I just think that it might be good to add another element to this instead of emphasizing the idea that it would be great to create video games.
The part where you explain why you would like to study abroad is not very convincing. Here's my challenge for you:
List at least five goals you would like to achieve in the next one or two years. Make sure they are goals that can be achieved while studying abroad. Then, spend a few minutes doing Internet research about the place where you will live and go to school in Australia, and during your research you will come up with great ideas about how to achieve some of your most important goals while you are there. The purpose of this challenge is to see if you can add some more substance to the essay. Show the reader that you have several serious goals and that you are ready to make a big impact on the people who can benefit from your ambition and inspiration!