In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us.
BU's quaint and picturesque campus along Charles River left me a deep impression when I vacationed at Boston two years ago. It spurred me to visit BU's school website to learn more about the school where I found out that BU has so much to offer: an all-rounded education, a vibrant student life and a wide exposure to the arts and culture. I also visited online forums to learn what current students had to say about their experience at BU to gain insights like the experience of living on campus and what classes and professors are like. All these confirmed my decision to apply to BU and now, two years down the road, I would love to stroll along Charles River, not as a tourist but as a student of BU.
Essay #1: In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.
When I was a little girl, I watched "Beauty and the Beast" more than a dozen times because I absolutely adored Belle. She was smart, sophisticated and studious and I saw her as the type of girl I wanted to be when I grew up. But as I grew older, I realized that Disney portrayed her as someone who was too perfect to be realistic. It made me see that being me was more important than striving to be like a fictional character. I am not like Belle but instead, the acronym U.V.T---Unique, Vivacious and Tenacious would better describe me.
E.E Cummings once said, "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." This was one of the quotes my parents wrote on my 13th birthday card, the age where I entered my adolescence. I guess part of them hope them I would move on from Disney princesses to discovering who I really wanted to be. Through the years, I slowly gained the courage to be unique and simply be myself. I speak English, Chinese and French, play the piano, adore watching "oldies" movies and reading chic-lit books. This is me. I want to study Finance at BU School of Management as I aspire to be a business leader with the ability to influence society and set up a non-profit organisation in future. I know it might sound too idealistic. But I dare to be different, dare to dream and I believe I can contribute to the diversity at BU.
"You have such a vivacious personality." This is a phrase that I commonly hear from those around me. My lively disposition often brings much laughter to friends and family alike and I believe that at BU, I can inject the same energy and enthusiasm in others, both in and beyond the classroom. At BU, I plan to join the Asian Student Union and other extracurricular activities that will give me the opportunity to interact with people from diverse backgrounds. In whatever activities that I participate, I want to bring out the passion in others and spur them on to do their best.
I always strive to be tenacious when met with an obstacle or difficulty. "To always have tenacity" is a phrase that I constantly say to myself. It has reminded me to keep moving forward and never giving up even when all seems bleak. My dad was diagnosed with the eye disease, Glaucoma just last year and being tenacious taught me never to give up hope but to stand together with him to fight this disease. The spirit of always having tenacity is something that I wish to share with the BU community. I want to motivate others to never give up and to always believe in themselves.
I know I am definitely not Belle but I'm proud to be myself-unique, vivacious and tenacious. I have so much to contribute to BU and I know I can make BU proud that I was a student.
I'm applying to BU also but I have yet to find my 3 words.
Anyways, here goes:
Sorry, but what is the point of connecting Belle to the acronym?
It just seems unnecessary.
How does unique connect to you wanting to study finance? I don't see any connection. Also, speaking 3 languages, playing the piano doesn't describe you as "unique" at all. What makes you DIFFERENT from others? Unique would be like eating oreos with ketchup. Sorry, bad example, but you get the point.
"The spirit of always having tenacity" -> My tenacious spirit (?) I realize you are trying to avoid redundancy, but just seems too wordy.
Your essay has potential. Get it checked by your teachers and strengthen it.
Good luck!
Thanks for the comments! i really appreciate them.
describe yourself as Unique, Vivacious, and Tenacious, however, I only grasped the ideas that support your indiviudality/uniqueness through context, there was no direct paragraph for it like there was for tenacity/vivacious, was that purposeful or did you leave it out ?
To your question, i purposeful left it out cause if i spend every para first explaining each character trait, then i would have exceeded the word count and i wanted to keep the focus also on contributing back to BU. I'm not too sure whether that is ok though.
Sorry, but what is the point of connecting Belle to the acronym?
It just seems unnecessary.
To your question, i wanted to use Belle as an intro to say how am i different from her and in what way.
BU's quaint and picturesque campus along
You write very well, so I'll help with opinion stuff. My opinion is that this is a terrible way to start, because it sounds just like a brochure! But, of course, you do say something meaningful, so it really is okay. Still, why make the first few words sound like a brochure?!
I like the 3 words essay a lot. I just suggest fixing up that shorter one, changing its focus. Focus on showing how you have a unique intellectual agenda that will be served better by the resources at bu than at some other school.
Wow, we're applying to the same school! :D And I believe that your short answer, as well as your essay are much much better than mine. I like that you wrote your essay honestly and openly, something hard to come by in my country.
Keep up the good work and I hope you get accepted.
Thanks kevin for giving me such great feedback, i really appreciate it :)
For the 3 words essay:
I really like the thing you did with Bella and not being able to be that perfect. You admit weakness but in a good way.
The transitions between paragraphs is a little choppy. You might want to change the starting sentences so that it isn't just a plopped quote.
Otherwise, good job
To be completely honest, your UVT essay is simply too cheesy. Haha.
Your essay is very personal and strong in MANY ways. You sound like you'd fit in at BU.
However, I might tone the peppiness down just a bit. I can picture a bitter admissions officer rolling his/her eyes at the end of a long day. Otherwise nice.
Not nice at all. Your language is simplistic by US standards. Also, though sufficiently fluent, it is cumbersome. It lacks elegance. & I dare say it's a very generic type of essay for most Asians.
"Your essay is very personal and strong in MANY ways. You sound like you'd fit in at BU."
NO offence to MF2010 & ethelion, but, the truth can't be further.
Allow me to highlight your "tenacity" paragraph as an example:
1) "I always strive to be tenacious when met with an obstacle or difficulty."
ERROR: Like I said, fluent yet unwieldy use of language. "I am tenacious in the face of hardship" is better.
2) "To always have tenacity" is a phrase that I constantly say to myself.
ERROR: No one cares what you say to yourself, period.
3) It has reminded me to keep moving forward and never giving up even when all seems bleak.
2 ERRORS: "It" here refers to the phrase I presume. The phrase doesn't remind you. You USE IT to remind yourself. Also, "to never giving up" is just plain bad grammar. "Never giving up" should be replaced with "never give up".
4) My dad was diagnosed with the eye disease, Glaucoma just last year
ERROR: There should be a comma following the word "Glaucoma".
5) and being tenacious taught me never to give up hope but to stand together with him to fight this disease.
2 ERRORS: "Being tenacious" teaches you nothing. It is a state, a quality you possess. Secondly, your usage of the word "but" is clearly wrong. NEVER giving up hope & standing together with your father are 2 activites that go hand-in-hand. They are not at odds with each other. Therefore, the conjunction "and" should be used instead.
6) The spirit of always having tenacity
ERROR: Is there a "spirit of SOMETIMES having tenacity"? The phrase "spirit of tenacity" should be used instead.
In conclusion, your blunt use of English is glaringly evident throughout your entire essay (8 errors in 1 paragraph). You want to be sharp. Precision. Accuracy. & the final quality that tops it off, the icing on the cake, of every self-promotional essay is that DEDICATION, PASSION that just bursts out from your writing. The writer who achieves that through writing, who stirs up the emotions through the skilful manipulation of the written word, is one who will stand a much greater chance to enter BU (in this scenario only, of course. Haha).
& so I suggest this:
"Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity." - Louis Pasteur. I have memorized this quote by heart. It motivates me to never ever give up hope, even when my future seems bleak. My dear father, whom I absolutely adored and taught me to be me, was diagnosed with the eye disease, glaucoma, just last year. He taught me too, to be tenacious, to persevere. And so today, I persevere with him as we fight this disease together. The spirit of tenacity is what I wish to share with the BU community. To persevere, to believe in oneself.
COMMENT: The phrase "taught me to be me" is used powerfully. It is a judicious reminder to the reader, that you are no Belle. You are Tan Yi Pei. Moreover, the phrase acts as an evocative reference to Paragraph 2, in which you highlighted how your dad played a pivotal role in your development. You want to convince the admissions officer reading your essay. It must be compelling. Therefore, the concluding statement "To persevere, to believe in oneself". Elegant. Persuasive.
