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Sugar We're Goin' Down (My love for film and video), to pursue a degree


caisson22 5 / 16  
Jan 14, 2010   #1
Prompt: Discuss your decision to pursue a degree in your chosen field
and how it was affected by a specific example of media or a particular use
of communications technology (e.g., a news story, web design, multimedia
presentation, film, TV show, video game, ad campaign, or public event). 300-500 words.


"Am I more than you bargained for yet?" was the first line that I heard. When I originally heard Fall Out Boy's hit song "Sugar We're Going Down" on the radio, I thought of it as a catchy little tune, never thinking it could be the inspiration of all my future dreams.

After the summer ended I once again entered school; and subsequently, I entered my first TV Production course. As I waltzed into the classroom I didn't know what to expect. But when I heard our class assignment slip through my teacher's lips within the first fifteen, I knew.

The task was to create a music video to the song of our choice. At first I didn't know what song to choose, there were so many that I liked I couldn't possibly pick any single one. But I remember lying in my bedroom; it was the night before we had to bring our song choices into class. I was flipping through my mp3 player, when all of a sudden the intro to my favorite song started playing. The drums came in followed by some sweet guitar riffs that matched the percussion perfectly. And as I lip synced the lyrics in tune with the song, I was replaying their music video in my head. I'd seen it a million times on MTV and even though I loved the song I just never got the concept behind it. I said to myself, "Even I could make a better video than this!" and that's when the most obvious idea smacked me in the face. Why don't I?

I came into class the next day with my answer already cued up for when the teacher would come to me, asking what song I chose. My idea for the video was already developed, like a story unfolding every time I heard the song. Four weeks, and one music video later, I saw my ideas come to fruition on camera. I was so proud of myself.

After that, I could never listen to a song again without thinking of a story line to go with it. I began making music videos in my spare time, which soon developed into short videos, and then finally ten-minute-long movies. If I had an idea that was particularly creative, I would save it for later until I could get it down on paper. My love for film and the expression of ideas through video has never waned and that's why I want to major in cinema. When I listened to "Sugar We're Going Down" that night, it was the song through which my first ideas came to life and without that inspiration I doubt I would have pursued video by my own volition. So now every time I hear the line "Am I more than you bargained for yet?" crooned through my headphones I think to myself yes. I had never imagined that a simple song would be my greatest inspiration.

Ok so my essay is 636 words, I need major editing and need to trim this amount pronto so please, any feedback is greatly appreciated!!
damo 9 / 36  
Jan 15, 2010   #2
"But when I heard our class assignment slip through my teacher's lips within the first fifteen, I knew."

this doesnt sound like a complete thought

get rid of the buts at the beginning of sentances, if you look at them the sentance reads fine with out them and its more proper grammar

I remember lying in my bedroom, the night before our song choices were due, flipping through my MP3 player when, like a sign from the heavens, the intro of my favorite song started playing. "insert appropriate lyrics"

i think alsoo you can do something cool with the lyrics "all i gotta do is cock it and pull it" (havent heard the song in the while but i think thats right lol) say something about how your gonna pull the trigger and your shooting at the right school or in the right direction or somethin

hope this helped, please look at my emory and brandeis essays if you can :]
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 19, 2010   #3
After the summer ended I once again entered school; and subsequently, I entered my first TV Production course. As I waltzed into the classroom I didn't know what to expect. But when I heard our class assignment slip through my teacher's lips within the first fifteen, I knew.

This part lulls me into confusion. I think it could be replaced with just a short sentence; try redisgining the paragraph so that a short sentence serves the purpose of this part, and that way you quickly get to the interesting stuff:

The task was to create a music video to the song of our choice...

At first I didn't know what song to choose, there were so many that I liked I couldn't possibly pick any single one.----- this is a run-on sentence, and I think it is unnecessary.

Don't write any insignificant sentences. When you want to write powerfully, design the essay so that every sentence does something significant. :-)


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