"What is success?" UC Personal Statement Freshman prompt

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Being immigrants from Vietnam, my parents did not have much to start out with. They always emphasized the importance of family and education. It was important to be successful in school while still maintaining a strong family bond. In a very traditional household, everyone was very family oriented. We did everything together whether it was eating dinner, brushing our teeth, or going to bed. Coming from a predominant Vietnamese family I was forced to learn how to speak Vietnamese and it turned out to be my first language. As my parents sent me off to preschool I found that it was hard for me to communicate with other kids because I did not understand English. I slowly learned the language throughout the years. At the same time, it was important to remember my family heritage so I attended a local Vietnamese school to learn more about the language and history of Vietnam.

The attendees at Bear Creek High School located in Stockton, California are so diverse and competitive. Because of my competitive nature, I view my fellow peers as obstacles that I have to overcome in order to reach my goals. Each and every student in my class helps me elevate my goals and aspirations to becoming a better person. I try to become better than everyone in my class and it has brought out the better student in me.

Stockton, California has always been portrayed as a ghetto city where they're categorized as one of the most dangerous cities for their high crime rates. As the city is being generalized, the fact of the matter is that Stockton is not as bad as people think. It is the productive citizens that make Stockton such a beautiful community. Those are the people that push and help me strive in becoming a contributing member of society.

Growing up in a rough neighborhood I saw that my family did not have the luxuries like many other families had. My mother was the one that provided all the income in the family as my father was unemployed. My parents were never privileged enough to be given an opportunity to begin their lives like I did. That is why it made so much sense for my parents to want me to do better than them. If they have gotten this far with such little support, there is no reason why I cannot outshine them.

Most people would view success as having a nice paying job with a large income. As a kid, my initial belief was that I would grow up and find a high paying job and that is what I saw as being successful. Throughout the years my family has helped me come to a realization that success isn't your wealth and that success is finding a job in something you love to do. Success is waking up every single morning excited to go to work. My parents in particular have helped me shape my dreams into finding something I love to do. That way the salary would just be a bonus.

Any revisions? Much appreciated!

Use a hyphen: family-oriented

Being immigrants from Vietnam, my parents did not have much to start out with.--- This sentence does not belong in the first paragraph. It is not about the same idea as the other sentences. It is a great sentence for getting the reader's attention, but you could use it in a different paragraph instead. The first paragraph should probably begin with a sentence about how you had to balance school and family life, OR about how you had to internalize a new culture while preserving your heritage.. it seems that your theme is about using multiple perspectives and approaching your college education in a way that makes sense of the various perspectives.

And be sure the intro and conclusion both tell the reader why it is important for you to attend UC rather than some other school.

: )