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"studying the human mind and its effects on behavior" - Pomona Transfer


peanutbutteryum 2 / 3  
Feb 25, 2011   #1
2. Please provide a statement about your current educational interests and how they have changed since your initial college enrollment. The statement should include reasons for leaving your present college to attend Pomona. If you are not currently attending college, please describe your current pursuits (e.g., employment, military service, volunteer work, etc.). Please be concise and limit your response to one or two pages.

I never thought I would get that feeling whenever I saw her name on caller ID. That weird sinking feeling you get when you knock something over and see it about to plummet into your big toe. It is then quickly followed by guilt that consumes you, because what kind of friend would even getting that sinking feeling in the first place? Sarah and I have been friends ever since pre-school. Our friendship continued when we went our separate ways for college. I remember I once enjoyed talking to her on the phone for hours. Yet in recent months, phone calls became less pleasurable, and felt more like a duty. She had a tough childhood, full of emotional disturbances, and now, after being admitted to a mental hospital, I believe she is finally getting help. However, in the previous months, she was painfully struggling with herself and I sat through much of it. There were times, when I felt obliged to pass up studying for an exam to listen to her cry about how she didn't understand the point of life and how everything was a test and that she was failing miserable. An exam seemed so much less significant than the problems she was dealing with. I never knew what to say to her, so I just tried to be there for her. Somehow through all this, my declared major of Biomedical Engineering, seemed a lot less important to me. I do not, by any means, intend to belittle the importance of engineering new devices to save lives. But, the design of a fetal heart monitor held little importance to me, when the workings of the human brain baffled me endlessly. How is it possible that she is experiencing all this, while another person's present concern is their frizzy hair with the high humidity? Why do some people suffer from depression, while others are almost abnormally optimistic? More importantly, is there something we can do to help this? Through my experience with Sarah, I have come to discover my new passion for neuroscience and psychology.

After taking a course in Abnormal Psychology, I have realized that studying the human mind and its effects on behavior is where my true interests lay. Pomona College has numerous opportunities and the close-knit community provides something my current institution does not. With Sarah, I have realized the importance of developing personal relationships beyond just textbooks and I feel my current institution does not foster that type of development as well as Pomona does. I hope to join this community and I feel I would be able to contribute beneficially.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 1, 2011   #3
Wow, I am intrigued... interesting style!

...because what kind of friend would even getting get that sinking feeling in the first place? instead, you might do better if you specify that you are referring to the name on the caller id.

is where my true interests lay. ---I don't like this part... it's like... trying too hard to use a cool way of wording it... lay, lie, people are not sure which is correct, it is a distraction.

I hope to join this community and I feel I would be able to contribute beneficially. Do not use any words that are empty of meaning. Every sentence has to carry meaning. End the essay with a confident sentence about a specific intention... something you see yourself doing in the future.

Okay, but overall, this is full of excellent action and energy. You have a great style. End the first paragraph earlier, and plant a theme in the reader's mind. Great job...


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