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My Struggle with Autism -- Common App


saurabh93 11 / 94  
Dec 15, 2011   #1
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Autism is a condition which puts one in unfortunate terms with the world around him. Yet for all its negative connotations, autism does in fact create an opportunity for change, and indeed a meaningful one, as my life story will demonstrate. Social and intellectual growth did occur to me even though it was not immediate. During my school years I have grown from a withdrawn individual to an eager young man with a positive attitude. The impact left by my struggle with autism has affected my persona to this day.

My journey started with a humble beginning. I was diagnosed with autism as a five year old that was oblivious to his surroundings. I entered special education at the age of seven after being transferred from my mainstream class, where I was having behavior problems. The problems still persisted. I acted in a way that would constantly irritate my classmates and even my usually tolerant teacher. I could not fit in with my mainstream peers, and they would always isolate me and make fun of me. I realized from that point on that I was different from the others, like a dandelion in a field of sunflowers. A dandelion shrivels as the sunflowers grow and expand their roots. Therefore, it can't take in the sun and thrive. After being told repeatedly that I had to look around me for change, I gave this a try. In order to be like the others and not be perceived as different, I decided that I had to act more like the sunflower than the dandelion to fit in with the people. So I observed the games that other students were playing during recess, and attempted to participate in them. Despite occasional rejections by use of unpleasant tones by my peers, I was still given chances by those same peers. My efforts have resulted in commendation from my instructional aides and parents. Most importantly, I felt satisfied and looked towards a bright future, convinced that change can help improve circumstance.

However, my catalyst for real change gained real momentum upon my entering middle school. After partaking in many activities, I realized who I truly was and sought to learn more about myself. Once I took up a position in a Greek melodrama production. I played the role of an Athenian in front of a huge audience. To the surprise of my peers, I spoke the lines rather eloquently and with the forte that would win a round of applause. Later, I participated in a contest where I recited Sanskrit verses from the Gita, the Hindu sacred text, by heart, and won first place. Eventually, I would learn that it is possible to overcome the social and intellectual burdens of autism. By participating in the drama, I learned that I can control the body language and the fidgets. By reciting the verses, I learned that I can work hard to make positive results happen. By taking part in these activities, I learned that I can advance in the midst of challenging circumstances.
sohaibsiddiqui 3 / 18  
Dec 16, 2011   #2
Your writing is not bad. However, I would like to give a thought.

Try to break your paragraphs as much as you can. It will make your sentence stronger. Otherwise, your reader(in college) might not pay much attention to the points or sentences where you would want him too.

Just a thought.

I follow it.

All the best
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 19, 2011   #3
like a dandelion in a field of sunflowers.

Wow, well you are a dandelion that writes well...

my catalyst for real change gained real momentum upon

I think it's awkward to use "real" twice in a row like this.

This is so good! But I feel that the first half may be too vague. I like the last paragraph a lot, and I almost want to suggest that you should use the last paragraph as the first paragraph of a new essay. Use it as your jumping-off point, and try to share with the reader the way you can bring your body and mind under control by focusing on something, like the performance. That is meditation, and you have important insights to share about it. :-)
Xanaphia 1 / 10  
Jan 2, 2012   #4
You asked for me to talk about your personal style? I think it's really well written. I like your personal style and voice throughout.
mendoza123 1 / 8  
Jan 2, 2012   #5
the post above me pretty much sum it up. Great voice, style is good and it is well written. I am happy for you and your achievements and hope for the best.

also, thanks for posting in my thread!
Roluwa 1 / 3  
Jan 3, 2012   #6
You have a strong voice in the essay, and I can really visualize short clips of what u told, very good progression in the essay, especially the big paragraph. I agree you should section up the paragraphs smaller so it doesnt look like one big mass for the admissions staff to read. It felt like an autobiography, the good kind. the only thing i would ammend is the, "Indeed a meaningful one" Just write it straightforwardly ("..a meaningful opportunity for change , as my life's story will demonstrate...") b/c admittors dont like that kind of, ''beat around the bush'' type of writing. Other than that, brilliant!
janeth 3 / 16  
Jan 4, 2012   #7
in mainstream and special classes which made others make fun of you?? As it is this places has placed the admission officer in your position,with the perfect uses of I.

The problems still persisted. I acted in a way enlighten them..SHOW DON'T TELL!! that would constantly irritate my classmates and even my usually tolerant teacher. I could not fit in with my mainstream peers, and they would always isolate me and make fun of me

PS;my journey feels so overused..trust me 7 out of 10 have uset it in their essays..give it a twist that is worth to make one continue

I'm sorry for the late reply was out..hope you haven't submitted
Bleeckerandpine 1 / 3  
Jan 11, 2012   #8
This is amazing! I love the dandelion part. You did a great job at engaging the reader, but I would suggest a strong opening. Besides that, it's wonderful.


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