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"what the street was" - neighborhood you grew up in and how it shaped you as person.


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All of us grow up in particular realities - a home, family, a clan, a small town, a neighborhood. Depending upon how we're brought up, we are either deeply aware of the particular reading of reality into which we are born, or we are peripherally aware of it.
Chaim Potok

When reminiscing back to my childhood years a feel a sudden feeling of joy comes over me. All types of image start to unvreal in my head. I could remember how diversity and cultural aspects. I remember going around the neighborhood playing "Tag your it" or just sitting on the porch watching peoples walk bye.

Growing up in a diverse neighborhood allow me to grow as a person and shape me to be more understanding and an accepting individual. My neighborhood wasn't that picture perfect neighborhood there was drug violent, racial profiling and at times family infrastructures. Just looking around you could already depicts certain image in your head. Through out the neighborhood you could see low income houses with the newly build. Some where single, married and divorced parents. But I didn't allow my upbringing to define who I was or where how I would exceed in life. I was fortunate to be surrounding bye peoples that where going through the same issues as me. But I soon witness my friend crack on under pressures. The wait of family economic issues. Seeing this made me appreciative of what my parent provided me in life. I didn't have to go through the struggles they went through. Looking back Im so grateful for growing up in this environment. It made me more knowledgeable of what the "street" was.
Nov 2, 2010, 08:31pm   #2
"When reminiscing back to my childhood years..." you can remove "back" as the word reminiscing implies that you're thinking back in time.

Also, the phrasing is a bit awkward, I would suggest writing it like this: "When reminiscing about my childhood years, an instant feeling of joy comes over me as all sorts of IMAGES unravel in my head. These images are ones of diversity, culture, and a strong community."

"...diverse neighborhood HAS ALLOWED me to grow as a person and be more of an accepting individual."

"...drug VIOLENCE..."

What do you mean by "family infrastructures"? Do you mean the breaking down of family infrastructures?

I would change your next sentence to: "The image of my neighborhood fits no stereotype, with low-income houses found next to ones that are newly-constructed." Also, I don't think this sentence fits here in the essay. I would consider maybe moving it earlier in the paragraph where you're creating an image of your neighborhood for the reader.

I would remove the sentence about the marital statuses of the people of your neighborhood, it does nothing to strengthen or support your point.

The rest of the paragraph is quite messy, I would have a teacher or friend edit it for grammar and structure. I don't want to write it out for you because I would have to rewrite the rest of it, but you have to always be aware of the message you're giving, and how this is a reflection of your growth and what you can contribute to a school. In this last paragraph all of these points are unclear, and it's difficult to connect to the introduction, where you look back on your neighborhood with joy. I think that you have conflicting statements about your feelings on your neighborhood.

This is a really good start, but I definitely think you can benefit from reading this aloud to see if it makes sense, and then rereading it to see if all of your statements support your message. Also I would really recommend going over it with a teacher.
"Tag your it" or just sitting on the porch watching peoples people walk bye by.

Growing up in a diverse neighborhood allow me to grow as a person and shaped me to be a more understanding and an accepting individual. My neighborhood wasn't that picture perfect neighborhood; there were drugs, violence, racial profiling and at times family infrastructures dysfunction.

This is one word, not two: Through out throughout the neighborhood you could...

:-)



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