"Bing! Bong! Ding! Dong!" the morning bell rang. As I got up from the top bunk of my bunk bed at 4:30 am, got my bucket to go get water from the village stream, and ran to the school's outside shower with the intent of not being late for morning mass, a singular thought came to my mind: I was on my own. No more mommy to wake me up for school, no more daddy to make me my ham and cheese lunch sandwich, and no more older sister to remind me to finish my homework. At the time, I was too young to fully understand what the ring of the bell represented; however, hindsight has revealed to me that the first stroke of that bell illustrated my coming of age.
It's very peculiar for one to cite an event that occurred ten years into his life as the significant event that marked his transition from an innocent mindset to a more mature mindset. I hold the particular belief that a coming of age experience varies in time and nature for all individuals. My transition from childhood to adulthood at an extremely young age deviates from the norm, making it central to my identity.
The event above depicts the exceptional year I spent in a boarding school in Eastern Nigeria. In a matter of months, I left the setting of my second grade class where I was learning two column additions and completing multiplication tables in less than three minutes to a setting that required me to juggle 14 distinct subjects ranging from English to a language that was completely new to me, Igbo. For the first time, I had to wash my own clothes without the help of my parents and without the luxury of an efficient washer and dryer to get the job done.
Writing this essay has allowed me to recollect my thoughts and reminisce on how this particular experience has played a major role in my personal evolution. Firstly, living in a boarding school has allowed me to embrace a valiant attitude towards anything that requires traveling away from home or adapting to new situations and environments. Additionally, my stay in Eastern Nigeria has given me a sense of diligence in numerous aspects of everyday life. The boarding school illustrated a fast-paced method of teaching; having to take 14 different examinations at the end of each trimester is a testimony to the discipline and diligence I had to develop in order to cope with the school's rigorous education. The school's rigorous educational environment has instilled in me a sense of persistence that allows me to subsist in very demanding academic settings.
Furthermore, my ability to adapt to the innovative essence of the boarding school also shaped my cultural transformation in the eyes of my extended family. In Eastern Nigeria, living in a boarding school demonstrates the idea of self-reliance. Plus, the experience has really diversified my way of thinking in the American school system as my international experience has given me a distinct perception about prominent issues in our society such as the growing fear of overpopulation, the desire to create a sustainable environment, and the aspiration for universal health care. Moreover, the respect I gained from the Eastern Nigerian culture is fundamental to my coming of age, and is best demonstrated by my gained competence in the Igbo Language.
This prompt really altered my perception on the concept of coming of age. Before now, I had this idea that a coming of age experience was only associated with adults. My unconventional experience at the Nigerian boarding school really serves as the shift between my childlike mindset and my more mature mindset. I might have failed to show my appreciation for this adverse experience at the time, but I have come to realize that I own my complete character to this remarkable event.
Any suggestion or criticism on both grammar and overall content will be greatly appreciated.
"It's very peculiar for an individual to cite an event that occurred ten years into his life as the significant event that marked his transition from an innocent mindset to a more mature mindset." -A bit wordy for the first sentence in that paragraph, also a bit awkward at times. Not exactly sure what's causing the awkwardness, maybe it's the word "Individual". Actually, the problem might be that the transition from a playful tone in the first paragraph is major contrast to the opening of that first sentece in the next. Your idea is on point, and is great; however, my advice would be to restructure it in a way that sounds less obscure and overally formal. This advice might be a little bit of personal preference, so take it with a grain of salt. Becasue
"the norm which makes this event a central part of me." - "The norm, which" - insert a comma there. Grammatically speaking, which signifies a non-essential clause and is supposed to be followed with a comma. Or another solution that could be better would be to omit the "which" all together - because a which is supposed to target a specific pronoun that occurs right before it, and in this case, you are speaking of the entire transformation - so a better option could be to substitute it with a participle phrase. Maybe it could be " the norm, making this event a central part of me," but yet again, this is a college essay and does not have to be entirely formal. So take it with a grain of salt, and do what you think sounds best.
Right now I actually have to go pick up my dad From the airport, I'll get back to looking at the rest of your essay when I get home.
Feel Free to take a look at mine though :)
Thank you. When you are free, please continue. I really appreciate it. I have started looking at yours.
Can someone please comment on grammar and overall content? It will be greatly appreciated.
Content wise, i think the story is pretty well done. you clearly stated how you transitioned from a child to an adult through your admission to a boarding school.
Grammar wise, i cannot really spot any other mistake other than what Zak has mentioned earlier.
Thank you very much.
I might be wrong, however I do not consider fetch is an appropriate word to utilize.
