statement of purpose for naval architecture

hey guys this is my rough draft for my statement of purpose for the university of strathclyde for naval architecture...any suggestion or tips would be appreciated

Growing near an international port as a child i would often spend my Sunday evenings watching and sketching out the various vessels entering and leaving the dockyard. As the years passed these sketches evolved from the initial stick figures became a bit more accurate and concise. I began understanding the science behind how these vessels worked and what made them tick. I began brushing up my knowledge on basic hull designs and began spending more time with my uncle, watching him work on these colossal floatation devices. It was during these days i was sure of what i wanted to do with my life and naval architecture provides me with the best scope to further continue my interests.

As a high school student, I always considered myself to be an ambitious and self-confident individual. I prefer approaching problems in rational manner and seek to find solutions through reasoning and logic. My academics have always been good throughout my schooling days and was an active participant in my school orchestra. I consider myself to be hardworking, self-motivated and highly inquisitive individual and usually finish a task I have set my mind on.

A naval architect acts as an integral part of today's economy acting as bridge to the world for world trade and transport. Even after the rise of aircrafts, marine vehicles and structures still play an integral part in world trade and help obtain previous inaccessible resources. My goals as a naval architect is set up my own private design and consultancy firm in the future and thus being an active contributor in helping revitalize the marine industry in my area.

I believe that the best way to achieve these goals is to provide myself with a sound education and after going through your course program i feel the University of Strathclyde is best suited to cater to my needs. The University of Strathclyde's Naval Architecture Program is well reputed all over the world with the department being over 150years old. The industrial links provided by your university are quite unmatched with the rest of the world and I believe it would provide me with a strong foundations to further my career. Apart from the academics the list of various sports clubs and extracurricular activities offered are quite impressive. Admittedly being a big Celtic fan also further reinforces my decision to join your university. Also being situated in the city of Glasgow i think it would give me a great opportunity for me to see and experience new cultures with the added bonus of having one of the largest shipping yards.

Cut unnecessary words:
...watching and sketching out the various vessels entering and leaving the dockyard.---Now that is a nice, rhythmic sentence...

Use a comma for a compound sentence: It was during these days i was sure of what i wanted to do with my life, and naval architecture provides me with the best scope to further continue my interests.----But I am not going to capitalize those i's for you! Don't be lazy! :-) just kidding.

As a high school student, I always considered myself to be an ambitious and self-confident individual. I preferred approaching---I kept it in the past tense for a nice style.

Efficiency with word use:
I believe that The best way to achieve these goals is to provide myself with seek a sound education, and after going through your course program i feel the University of Strathclyde is best suited to cater to my needs. ---But I think this sentence is devoid of meaning. It is not helpful! Replace it with a sentence that has some interesting observation. :-)

The University of Strathclyde's Naval Architecture Program is well reputed all over the world with the department being over 150years old. They already know this. Instead of telling what they know, tell them what YOU want to do. That is how to inspire people with your aspirations.

:-)