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UC personal statement 2 - My First Interview


hieuh600 2 / 2  
Nov 24, 2009   #1
Prompt 2

Please correct any mistakes. Thank you!

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

When I blew out my sixteen birthday candles, I knew there was something I wanted: a part-time job. Achieving this goal was my first step to adulthood. The job I desired the most was to be part of an academic program that tutors elementary school students. I love being around children and helping them was something I didn't mind doing. I find this job very meaningful because it does not only benefit me, but also improves children's academic performance in school. One of the most important people in my life was my tutor, so I felt the empathy of tutoring children.

There was a place called "EBAYC" (East Bay Asian Youth Center) that I could work for as a high school intern. I was excited thinking about applying to this program, so I spent a long time filling out the application. I made sure every single line and box was filled with the right information. After I finished the application, a coordinator at the program called me for an interview.

When I heard the word "interview", my mind blanked out for a split second. This was my very first interview and I knew that I had to be prepared. I asked for advice from many people who had work experience. I asked about everything from the clothes I should wear to questions they might ask me. On the day of the interview, I took a deep breath before I went in and was determined to get this job. My nervousness ate all of my confidence away, but I thought quickly and decided to answer their questions with the first thoughts that popped into my mind. The trick to this method was to quickly process the answer in my head and say it formally to my interviewers.

When the interview was over, I walked out positive about the job even though I had some doubt in the back of my head. A week later, the same coordinator called and told me I got the job. I politely thanked her for informing me and when I hung up the phone, I brought exaggeration to a whole new level. I hollered at everyone in my house, told the neighbors, screamed to my friends, and most importantly called my tutor.

This interview was a big accomplishment to me because I tried to my full extent to get this job. Even though my nervousness was a huge flaw, I made it through with quick thinking and problem solving. I am glad that I was able to be positive and determined about something I found really important.
Reach 2 / 15  
Nov 24, 2009   #2
I love being around children and helping them was something I didn't mind doing
Redundant. "I loved helping children" conveys the same meaning.

There was a place called "EBAYC" (East Bay Asian Youth Center) that I can work for as a high school intern.
Your first paragraph mentions "this job" many times, so I would mention EBAYC earlier.

There were also question I had to answer, I understood each one because I already pictured my answer, but the hard part was to write it out.

This sentence doesn't really add anything meaningful to your essay.

Cheers!


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