'I spent plenty of time watching television' - your major and your school; why did you choose it?

Prompt: What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified? (300 word maximum)

Essay: Growing up, I spent plenty of time watching television. Watching TV inspired and encouraged me to pursue engineering. I saw what I wanted to become on my television screen. Whenever the hero was in trouble he would rush towards the engineer for assistance. The engineer would solve the problem and the hero would go back on his wild adventures while the engineer stayed back, working on his craft. I was never daring or courageous as a child, so I always envisioned myself as the engineer. As I grew older, the concept of being an engineer became more and more intriguing to me. I started going to job and college fairs to gain every scrap of information I could find. I even interrogated my father, who used to be an electrical engineer, for days on end. He informed me that an engineer needs to know how to apply science and mathematics to real world problems. He told me that it was tough but ultimately rewarding. This stoked the fire inside my heart and it lead me to challenge myself in high school. I went out of my comfort zone and took the more challenging science and math classes, worked harder than I ever had before and learned more than I thought possible.

Now nearing graduation I faced one last hurdle. Where did I want to apply? I scoured the city's colleges, looking for the right one. Some didn't have the courses I was looking for, many lacked the depth I desired, and others lacked the right professors. It was only near the end of my journey that I found Northwestern, a college that met all my needs. I believe that Northwestern will help set me on the path to becoming an engineer, something I have been preparing my whole life for.

Hi Danyal,

I'll just pop a quick one here. I don't have much time to correct you on your grammar, but I hope you can consider my inputs! Your opening anecdote about your childhood. A cartoon/TV show with superheroes consulting engineers is a bit out of the ballpark for me unless I knew the specifics. It would be hard for the reader to connect with this plotline, especially for an American admissions officer who would see Ironman and Bob the Builder to be the closest thing to engineer heroes. If you want to continue forward with the TV angle, perhaps look for well-known/relatable shows and the intrigue/intellectual curiosity you had as a child that would carry into present day.

Also, another thing that drew a lot of question marks after reading your essay is still the big 'Why engineering at Northwestern'? Can you illustrate specific instances where engineering was so pivotal to you or your society? You don't need to expound on how you went to career fairs (though you can work with your inspiration from your father), or how you stumbled across Northwestern, but rather WHY this school was a clear choice. Facilities, research opportunities, internships, maybe? You need to tell the admissions officer that this is your end-game.

If you conclusion is anything to go by, becoming a Northwestern degree holder in engineering is the end of your dreams. In the limited remaining space that you have, show them what engineering could do in this world.

Cheerio,
Lightjade (Jamie L)

P.S. - If you could look at my essay, it'd be a great favor to me too! All the best!

- Danyal, for this portion of the essay, you would do well to mention a specific program or movie that inspired you to become an Engineer. It is not uncommon for your dreams for a career to be inspired by films and television. So showing us what influenced you would definitely add points towards understanding the basis of your dream :-)


- Why did the idea of becoming an engineer become more intriguing. Don't tell us about college fairs and job fairs. Tell us why you want to be an Engineer. Keep the part about talking to your father as that is important in the development of your interest in the field. Don't use the word interrogate because it connotes something negative.


- Try to reformat the paragraph. In its current form it sounds more like you settled for Northwestern because you did not have any other choice or it was closest to what you were looking for. Instead, you need to sound like you had NU in mind all along and you never thought of attending other universities.You should never let the admissions officer feel like his university is a second choice for you.

By the way, your essay needs to be divided into paragraph format in order to qualify as a properly written essay. You currently have it all bunched together as one long paragraph which makes it very long and confusing to read. You should divide it into topics to make the discussion clear to the reader :-)