Prompt #2 Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Blood, sweat, and tears. For the past three summers, this is what I looked forward to every morning. Hair pulled back, uniformed in a leotard, and armed with bobby pins, I would willingly march into battle. For me, dance has always been worth the pain. My blisters and bruises were battle scars, my worn out shoes a trophy. I spent my past summer at a contemporary intensive, the two prior studying ballet, and I can't imagine spending them any other way.
Summer intensives (the month-long dance programs I participate in) are brutal. As much as I love them, there were some days when I found myself with no motivation to even drag myself out of bed. During sleepless nights where simply rolling over would cause a wave of pain, it was hard to imagine waking up and dancing the next morning. Yet by 9:00, I would find myself in the familiar dance studios, warming up to take class. As soon as I began moving, the pain would fade.
When I dance, I'm free. It's really that simple. I can only be present. I don't think about the lack of sleep I got the previous night, or if my leotard matches my shorts. All I feel is what is happening to my body at every moment as it happens. I feel the blood in my veins, the sweat dripping from my forehead, the music. The pain I was in before, the pain I will be in after, has no relevance. The reward isn't even in the perfect execution of movement or the flawless routines-- it's in the raw, joyous energy I feel when I dance. This is why I choose to spend my summers dancing.
I think I need to make it longer and go into more detail. Thoughts?
It meets the 250 minimum word requirement, but if you feel you need to add more that's up to you. I really like it, it's very descriptive.
Can you read mine?
I can give a few pointers. Most of these are suggestions but I highly recommend them! :)
In the sentence, of paragraph two, "With no school, all there is to focus on is pushing yourself to improve, and a dancer who dedicates her summer to doing so will see drastic changes in her technique" the structure is very awkward and week. When you use commas you want to try and keep you verbs parallel. In other words you say "all there is to focus on is PUSHING yourself to improve, [...]" you should continue the sentence with "and 'blanking' [...]"
Right now you're probably thinking "... wait what?" ha, don't worry it happens all the time. For example, if I were to say "I like to go running, swimming, and I like to jog" the sentence doesn't flow. Their is no parallelism. However, if I say "I like to go running, swimming, and jogging" the sentence flows and the verbs are all parallel.
I would just alter the sentence to say "With no school, I have been able to dedicate my summertime focusing on pushing myself to improve in several aspects of my dancing career." ^^This sentence is simple, it's about YOU, and it flows.
I would just read over it again and look for any lack of parallelism, subject agreement (his/her, she/he, etc.), and make sure your sentences flow!
Hope that helps!
