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Minh waker! Soccer player with piano


katze34 2 / 4  
Dec 22, 2009   #1
Hi, I'm a Vietnamese girl. This is my PS. I think it still has some problems. Pls help me. Thank you

Minh waker!!!!! Yeah, congratulations!
I can't believe in my ear that these words are from my parents, teachers and friends. I stand trembling on the stage. It is the first time I have played the piano in front of hundreds of people. It seems an unimaginable fact for me before entering senior high school.

I must admit that I was a boyish girl who seemed perfect in playing marbles, soccer but I never liked hugging dolls. I didn't want to be called a womanly one. Never in my life have I worn a dress. I felt no matter of this. I was impetuous and vigorous. I was not familiar with being criticized, failure.

But what I hated most happened since my first day of high school. My school required all students to participate in at least nonacademic club. Surfing the list: badminton, basketball, and dancing sports ... my eyes stopped at the letter S. "Soccer club is only available for male students". The word "only" stopped my eagerness to help myself pursuit my longtime hobby. I had never been out of soccer players list in junior high school. However, it didn't take me a long time to make a decision. My principle urged enthusiastically all students in social band on participating piano club. It had no difference than a force. I couldn't believe how I would be if I didn't spend half of the day outside my home.

The first lesson was terrible. I either have any artistic talent or dexterous skill. I started hesitantly in a class. While other students showed their eagerness to practice, I only sit in one place looking at the clock. "Next, Minh! It's time for you to show how you understand what I have guided" Ms.Binh, my club instructor said. I pinched my lips and came near the piano. I didn't want to make others realize the fool in myself. But I couldn't conceal it. The notes arranged for left hand seemed too strange. For most of notes I played, the left hand overlapped the right one. Sometimes, both of them did the same notes. I guessed I had played wrongly but I didn't know how to mend it. Whistles from my friends were louder and louder. Ms. Binh was so angry that she required me to say aloud thirty the location of all notes for left hand. It was the most shameful I have suffered. I only wished there was a hole to sneak in immediately.

Since this time, I spent countless hours practicing the piano. I began with one piece in Don Juan by Mozart. If it was played well, the sound was truly youthful and rhythmical. I practiced playing in my every free time. I knew the first step was to try one hand and then combine the two ones in a slow tempo. However, my left hand couldn't play separately with the other. In theory, the left hand kept regularly fast while the right one was still moderate. However, I couldn't preclude the tempo difference between my two hands. The interpretation appeared. This sound was terrible but I couldn't avoid making it noisy. I have been called "waker" since that time.

It was the first nickname of mine. Before that, wherever I went, nobody stared at me in a weird way like it is now. Gradually one outside motivation power grew on me. I felt undisturbed to concentrate to keep practicing pieces of music I found truly passionate about. Seeing my friend do well with complex works by classical music composers made me want to minimize myself, but I wasn't ashamed of my poor skill. I really respected for those guys but I believed that a girl like me could play soccer as boys so why while they could play the piano, I couldn't. From speaking alone with a ball, I went to reveal my thought, personality with the piano. I found out that performing song in the choir gave me the same feeling as running at a stadium. All member of a team were solid, coordinate to prepare for club meetings. Slowly, I truly loved playing the piano. It made me excited and less absorbed with soccer. The first time I admitted that I could sit in one place for a long time.

What my friends may not know is that playing the piano contributes a large part in changing my life. The newfound interest inspires me to discover something new I haven't thought. Both soccer and the piano player exist for me in a harmonious way. I become more open-minded, willing to accept challenges. I find it easier to share my opinions and want to know why they like something. Thanks to piano club, I know how to accept any changes and overcome my own prejudice to know myself better.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Dec 23, 2009   #2
I like your essay so much, your personality shines through and shows what a strong, dedicated, interesting student you are.

Yeah, congratulations !

I stand trembling on the stage. It is the first time I have played the piano in front of hundreds of people.

I was not familiar with being criticized, failure.

I couldn't believe how I would be if I didn't spend half of the day outside my home.

Why must I suffer from this shamefulness?

Wherever I went, anybody stared at me.Were they staring at you because you were the only girl who could not play the piano well?

Both soccer and the piano player exist for me in a harmonious way.
OP katze34 2 / 4  
Dec 25, 2009   #3
thank Susan so much.
I edited this version. I hope the new one will be better. Can I replace "demolisher" with "waker". I find it difficult to choose the exact word I want. I translate it from my own language. This word means "a person who makes noise and prevents others from concentrating"
OP katze34 2 / 4  
Dec 27, 2009   #4
Please! Welcome more suggestions and critiques. I am looking for help.
My essay feels disconnected, doesn't it? My point is clearly enough?
Thank you
longyue 1 / 17  
Dec 27, 2009   #5
Nice essay. I have also practiced the piano for many years could follow your words myself. I think you have a talent for storytelling, but your conclusions are not strong enough. It seems like you are repeating the same ideas: you could change and tolerate new ideas. Maybe abridge the last paragraph to make your central point clearly. Overall, you did a really good job.
OP katze34 2 / 4  
Dec 29, 2009   #6
Thank you,
Do you feel my connection between being as a soccer player and playing the piano strong enough?
The passage "It was the first nickname of mine...for a long time" described my change well?
longyue 1 / 17  
Dec 29, 2009   #7
Well, I think the transition works. You don't need to worry much about that.I could understand you.


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