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Smith essay! (Is a women's college still relevant in 2009?& WHY SMITH.)


linhexi 9 / 28  
Jan 6, 2010   #1
1.When Smith College was founded in 1871, there were few educational opportunities for women. Is a women's college still relevant in 2009? (Limit response to 150 words)

In 1871, women could hardly get equal opportunities of higher education as men did. Though women's position has been greatly enhanced, lots of women's rights to education still get ignored. When I came back to my father's birth place, a deprived village in the northern China, I found barely had girls in my age received education like I did. They became wives while urban women entered colleges.

In this era, women's college aims more than educational equality. It assists women realize their dream of becoming writers or leaders, etc. It helps us know how to make difference with our inner potential. In the place where we are the centre and carefully attended, diversities stand out above the similarities we share.

2.How did you first learn of Smith College and why are you applying? (Limit response to 100 words.)

Attending a college for women? This was a fresh idea for me. I never had a chance to experience a place designed especially for women's intellectual development. So there I met Smith College and surprised. Through the interview with Smith's alumina, I knew that living on Smith campus is like living in a palace; I knew that the professors are patient and super-good; I knew Smith is where my critical thinking, writing skills will be greatly changed, which will assist my later journey to be more exciting. I want a caring and competitive environment during my four years college life, and I knew Smith is my choice: it's a warm family converging diversities and versatilities.

Thank you for any critiques!
umulbaneen 4 / 27  
Jan 6, 2010   #2
"So there I met Smith College and surprised"

so there i met smith college alumni?representatives and was surprised.

"I knew that living on Smith campus is like
living in a palace; I knew that the prof"

I know that living on Smith campus will be like
living in a palace----dont write in present tense youve not lived there yet so dont write "knew" write know everywhere else aswell

"ew Smith is my choice: it's a warm family converging diversities and versatilities."
this sentence doesnt link up to the rest because you havent talked about the versitality or family and youre just bluntly stating stuff --rephrase last line

and

1.When Smith College was founded in 1871, there were few educational opportunities for women. Is a women's college still relevant in 2009? (Limit response to 150 words)

In 1871, women could hardly get equal opportunities of higher education as men did. Though women's position has been greatly enhanced, lots of women's rights to education still get ignored. When I came back to my father's birth place, a deprived village in the northern China, I found barely had girls in my age received education like I did. They became wives while urban women entered colleges.

In this era, women's college aims more than educational equality. It assists women realize their dream of becoming writers or leaders, etc. It helps us know how to make difference with our inner potential. In the place where we are the centre and carefully attended, diversities stand out above the similarities we share.

in this one esp in the las tpara add yourself into it stop stating facts without somehow relating yourself or saying i becuz a lot of girls might tthink that you need to show how uve been effected and hence why u think a girls college is necessary

im applying here aswell goodluck =D


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