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FU Essay - Significant experience/Achievement - Revisions Needed


ahhitsj0e 2 / 1  
Nov 18, 2008   #1
Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

It was the day I held that first trophy above my head when I realized who I wanted to be and what I really wanted to do with my life. In the summer of 2001, at the age of eleven, I won my first tennis tournament and it was only the second one I ever competed in. But from the results of the Niketown Junior Tennis Challenge, I was their Boys' 12 Singles Champion. That was the summer I discovered what I wanted to pursue myself in and to become the best I could possibly be in this sport.

After my accomplishment in the tournament, my parents had no trouble in funding my necessities for the sport I love, including lessons, rackets, and their own time and care for me. They signed me up for lessons and court time at the National Tennis Center in Flushing Meadows, Queens that following winter when conditions outside were too extreme to play in. The next summer at the age of thirteen, I tried out and successfully made the New York Junior Tennis League also known as NYJTL. To this day I am still part of this league, playing at many winter sites and sponsored tournaments.

Over the years I continued to train and compete in the sport, facing many hardships such as injuries. Most of these injuries were repeated offenses: pulling muscles such as hamstrings and spraining ankles as a result of not properly stretching or not watching my feet and spraining my ankles. I was tremendously determined to keep on working hard in improving my skills in my passion. I didn't let anyone or anything get in my way or bring me down after an embarrassing defeat or an off day, which sometimes turned into an off week.

Now as I begin my senior year, my fourth and final year at St. Francis Prep, I am well satisfied where I stand in terms of tennis in my school and can only hope to pursue college tennis this following year. These past four years on the St. Francis Prep tennis team have been amazing. It has been competitive and at the same time enjoyable to the fullest extent. As I look back once again, I come to realize the importance of that tournament. It was indeed the spark to the fire I have lit inside of me. And now, I am looking forward to continue my educational and tennis career as well as being a student at Fordham University this following year.

Am I on the right track and is this ready to be sent in?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 18, 2008   #2
Good evening :)

You've done a fine job explaining why this sport is important to you, but not so much time talking about how it has impacted you. What have you gained from your experiences with tennis? Physical strength, agility, friendly competition? Have you met new people that have improved your life? More introspective reflection and evaluation will make this piece much better.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP ahhitsj0e 2 / 1  
Nov 18, 2008   #3
Thanks for the input.


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