Hi,
this is the essay I'm working on right now...and I'll be glad if you guys can give me hints or any kind of help...Thanks
My grandmother, who is now seventy-eight years old, has been a unique, an exemplary, and the sincerest person I've known and have had the pleasure to live with. Despite her old age and background, she is a remorseless person. My grandmother had six daughters and four sons, which as a widow with no education, had to raise by herself without any help. She always aspired for jobs with a higher income but the lack of education was an obstacle which she knew she had to overcome. However, she persevered, and learned how to read and write by herself. My grandmother found a job as a teacher and gave her daughters and sons the opportunity of education. Today, all of them have their PhDs as economists, social studies professors, architects, physiotherapists, industrial designers, accountants, and agricultural engineers.
An incessant mother and grandmother, who has taught me the values of accomplishment and commitment, and by her example, has shown me the significance of the word perseverance. My grandmother is my role model, my inspiration, a paragon of a tenacious woman, and a determined seventy-eight years old woman who has fought for what she loves. She's been a positively influent person in my life; "never give up, never forget who you are" she used to say.
As I learned from her, perseverance has played an important role, not only emotionally, but also academically.
Perseverance took me where I now stand, for example, I started in the ESOL program (English for speakers of other Languages), and this program gave me the opportunity to think about my future carefully. The opportunities given at my school such as; tutoring and the rigorous courses offered, altogether with the support of my teachers helped me succeed. Seeing myself like a person who wasn't part of this system, someone who didn't speak English, and someone who had no previous knowledge in any courses, despite all of this, I overcame these barriers and reached my goals. Today I'm in the Top 15 of my senior class taking the most rigid classes offered by the school, Vice-President of the Spanish Honor Society club, Ex-Vice President and current historian of Science Honor Society, member of the Principal's student Advisory Committee, and member of Mu Alpha Theta (Math Honor Society).
..Something else I should add...
Thanks
I like where you are going in this essay. Your grandmother is definitely someone to look up to, but colleges have seen a million and one essays about how grandmothers are influential. Make yours different. Do more than just tell the reader about how great she is. We already know that because you are writing about her in an essay about an influential person. Tell more about her impact on you. How were you changed? Hope I helped!!
p.s. Read over it again because there were some grammatical mistakes.
Ack, the first thing that came to mind after I read your essay was an info session I attended at Tufts University. The admissions officer specifically mentioned that they do not want to see a "grandmother essay," which unfortunately seems to be what you have here. By the time they've read your essay, they'll want to admit your grandmother! This is your chance to say something about YOU, which is why this topic is so risky...people who attempt this prompt more often than not end up writing 99% about the other person and 1% about themselves, which gives the adcom very little to work with. In your case, you only write 1 sentence about yourself...do you really want that one sentence to be what the adcom judges you on? I don't mean to be discouraging, but unless you can spin this topic in a more unique light, you should probably start over w/ a different topic.
My grandmother, who is now seventy-eight years old, has been a unique and exemplar y _________. She is the sincerest person I've known and have had the pleasure of living with.
An incessant mother and grandmother, she has taught me the values of accomplishment and commitment, and by her example she has shown me the significance of the word "perseverance."
Nice! I feel so happy for her because of the way your essay celebrates her wisdom and shows appreciation for her. I think you are destined to do very well!
