This is my essay on commonapp. Suggestions and criticisms are welcome.
REFLECT ON A TIME WHEN YOU CHALLENGED A BELIEF OR IDEA. WHAT PROMPTED YOU TO ACT? WOULD YOU MAKE THE SAME DECISION AGAIN?
I have always criticized the notion that it is good to be content with what you have or your current position. Satisfaction breeds complacency and propels the mindset of mediocrity. Would there be racial integration today if Rosa Parks had given up her seat and had been satisfied with moving to the back of Montgomery City bus? If Martin Luther King and his famous Civil Rights activist had been content with the current state of separatism and not fight the infamous "Segregation"? I love being different. I found loopholes in generalizations. I was a thorn in the flesh of resource persons, bombarding them with questions. I have had countless encounters but the most noteworthy one was set in a church.
Questioning a social belief or scientific theory may be commonplace but challenging a preacher man requires more than mere courage. It requires in my view, an aorta of impertinence. I was far from being an iconoclast, when during a sermon, I posed the most memorable question of my life about self-satisfaction and covetousness. I asked the Reverend father why a person should be satisfied with his or her status quo irrespective of its nature. I supplemented my question by meticulously explaining to him how a person could use his neighbour's success as a source of inspiration in his or her quest for a better life.
After getting home and reminiscing carefully about the encounter, I realized that I was indeed right. This annulled all forms of remorse and gave me a sense of relief - that feeling you get when you find out that you are right after all. I postulated in a practical sense that no individual will be content with being stagnant in life and that the theory of self-satisfaction will be incoherent with pragmatists who always want the best. Although the Reverend father made attempts to convince me about the literal meaning of his preaching, I still remained incredulous and adamant in my opinion.
This event put me on the road to discovering my true personality: an ambitious dreamer and an inquiring individual. Rational minds will tell you to work within your limits but it is always better to think outside the box. Indeed, it is best to think as if there were no box. Albert Einstein said that "Imagination is better than knowledge," to which I concur empirically. No wonder he imagined himself in a hot air balloon travelling at the speed of light which formed the basis of his theory of relativity.
Ten years from now, I imagine myself as a renowned neurosurgeon, working with the likes of Ben Carson, revolutionizing medicine. I see myself making invaluable acquaintances with personalities in the top ranks, solving global issues and excelling in all fields of endeavour. Who knows, I may find a cure for CJD (Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease). To get to this pedestal, I will have to be keen on vividly defined realities, overcoming every impediment and hindrance, and making perseverance my hallmark. It is good to make your aspiration your profession. After all, Henry David Thoreau advised us to go in the direction of our dreams and live the life we have always imagined.
I really admire Nicholas Copernicus mainly because he perceived things differently. He had a hunch quite different from the pervasive belief that the earth was at the centre of the universe, which turned out to be true. He printed his name in history books by thinking "unconventionally." My dream is to be remembered long after I have lived, long after I am gone, long after I have drawn my last breath. If I could go back in time, I will definitely make the same decision and relive this life changing event.
Wonderfully Put.
First and foremost, I'd like to say that you'd fit right into Singapore, Edward. It's a good read, and it's true that there's no such thing as a free lunch in this world. However, what I get an overwhelming feeling that you come across to be self-absorbed and I fear that it can turn off the admissions officer. A bulk of your essay is about you, how admirable your challenge to the preacher was, and how you see yourself among great figures. Yes, the essay is supposed to shed light on your personality, but you're turning it into a mega-watt spotlight! The bigwig words that you throw in (eg aorta of impertinence, agree empirically) all seem to come out of a SAT vocab book, and takes away some of the ingenuity of essay. It's great to be ambitious and driven, but don't make it too much about standing out just for the sake of personal glory.
My advice (beyond some grammatical errors and hiccups in the flow) is to inject some humility into your essay. Be more approachable; more like a person I'd be curious to meet and see what motivates you, and even be friends with, rather than being a cut-throat rival.
thank you but I haven't got a clue on how to do that.
Hi Edward,
I'm just gonna leave a fast one because I have to get back to studying, but I think you can twist your story about defying the pastor a bit. I don't know if it's considered lying, but if you could talk about how you had a one-on-one after the sermon to apologise for sounding so impertinent. You could show how you listened to his points and opinions too, instead of immediately writing him off and declaring your way to be the best way. Then still round it back to why you were adamant in challenging this belief. Also, redirect your motivations towards becoming a great neurosurgeon and revolutionizing medicine away from that pedestal of self-glorification, and towards a more altruistic purpose of saving the world from suffering. If you have the gifts and self-motivation to do so, it would be awesome if you could show the school that you have the big picture in mind.
Cheerio,
Lightjade (Jamie L)
you are a genius
