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Essay about my self: Introducing Yourself to Your Instructor


answers: 5
Subject: Introducing Yourself to Your Instructor

Introduction

My name is Amit Vaidya. I am from India. I am in my first semester of senior year in Civil Engineering at Clemson University, SC. In this memo, I am going to tell you little bit about my background, interests, achievements and my goals.

Background
I was born in a small village called Bilimora. Bilimora is located about 70 kilometers south of the city of Surat which is 8th largest city in India, in the state of Gujarat. I spent my first 16 years of life in Bilimora. Bilimora is famous for temples, textile mills.
My everyday activities included going to school, playing cricket, watching television, and going to temple at the night time.

I spend my first 16 year of life in Bilimora before moving here in Greenville, SC on August 23, 2002 with my family. I started going to South Side Highschool as a sophomore and was enrolled in ESL program for a year. At South Side, I focused on achieving my goals including learning English language, participating in extracurricular activities, and doing well in all my classes. In my junior year, I had joined Math club, Robotics club and also enrolled in few honor classes. Along with school, I also found a part time job at a local restaurant to help my parents financially. Moving in to a new country and settling there (here) was a huge challenge for me and my family.

Interests
I like playing Chess and Cricket. I
always enjoyed reading, writing and doing math. Growing up as a child and until now, (my adulthood) it has been mine (my) and my parents dream for me to become a Doctor or an Engineer.
----- I decided to become a Civil Engineer because I have always been fascinated by looking at the bridges, buildings, and skyscrapers.
------I decided to become a Civil Engineer because I am always fascinated by looking at the bridges, roads, and skyscrapers.

A degree in Civil Engineering enables me to achieve my goals and also gives me an opportunity to make a difference in the community.

Achievements:
I have achieved many different goals in life. Some of my achievements are bigger than the others, which has given me greater satisfaction. The top five achievements that gave me the greatest personal satisfaction includes:
1. Being student of the month in my English class
2. Getting my first job
3. Going to college
4. Learning English language
5. Getting my driver's license
My achievements have helped me to get ahead in life.


Goals
I hope to get better at technical communication this term. Five years from now, I want to become a project manager of a construction project, and technical communication is one of the most important skills that a project manager should have. As a project manager, my primary goals are managing people, set budgets, and making decisions of all kinds.

need help with editing and grammar
thank you

May 14, 2009, 06:23pm   #2
My name is Amit Vaidya. I am from India. I am in my the first semester of my senior year in studying Civil Engineering at Clemson University, SC. This sentence makes me a little dizzy with all of the prepositions. You might want to break in into two sentences . . . one telling what you are studying and the other where. In this memo, I am going I'd like to tell you a little bit about my background, interests, achievements you need a comma here to keep it consistent with the rest of your writing and my goals.

Bilimora is famous for temples,take out the comma and add the word "and" textile mills.

I started going to South Side Highschool high school should be two words)as a sophomore and was enrolled in put either "the" or "an" hereESL program for a year.

Moving in to a new country and settling there (here) was a huge challenge for me and my family.

I like playing Chess and Cricket you don't need to capitalize either chess or cricket. I always enjoyed reading, writing and doing math.

Growing up as a child and until now, (my adulthood) it has been mine (my) and my parents dream for me to become a Doctor or an Engineer. This sentence is awkward. You might want to reword it to something like: Since I was a child, my parents and I have shared the dream of my becoming a doctor or an engineer.

----- I decided to become a Civil Engineer because I have always been fascinated by looking at the bridges, buildings, and skyscrapers.

includes: Should be include

seting budgets
I'll give my ideas to help, along with Eric's ideas.

Here is an idea for this sentence: I spent my first 16 years of life in this city, which is famous for both its temples and its textile mills.

...watching television, and going to temple at the night time.

Growing up as a child and until While growing up, and even now, it has been my and my parents' dream that I would become a Doctor or an Engineer.

Some of my achievements are bigger than the others, but they all have given me great satisfaction.

Very impressive!! Good luck. :)
May 29, 2009, 09:19pm   #5
Actually, Quaker_75, "I spent my first 16 years of life" is correct. Your correction introduced an error. In English, the subject comes first in a statement, unless it is preceded by a subordinate clause or the object and subject have been deliberately reversed for a special effect. In this sentence, "I" is the subject, "spent," is the verb, and "first 16 years of my life" is the object.
Subject-Verb-Object is the standard structure.
May 30, 2009, 10:44am   #6
If I were you, firstly I will think of which one aspect of yourself can mostly attract your Instructor.Then you can emphasize that aspect ,while others you don't need to spend lots of time.

Good luck :-)



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