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I never saw myself as an average child - Elon Scholarship Essay


vetementu 9 / 21  
Nov 22, 2014   #1
Prompt: Why do you wish to be a physician? How has your service to others impacted you and your desire for a career in the medical field?

I never saw myself as an average child. At the age of ten, I found myself picking up novels of intellectual value. My father always seemed to be reading thick books of complexity and being that I idolized his intellect in a sense, I took it upon myself to read the same type of books. One of those books, and one that I still read over and over again, is Stephen Hawking's biography. He is an extraordinary man, and most people don't realize the caliber of what he has done, and what he has overcame. He was diagnosed with motor neuron disease at the age of 21, a disease that has a life expectancy of two years after diagnosis. Most people are diagnosed with the disease after the age of 50, which is part of the reason Stephen's case is so remarkable. Motor neuron disease occurs when the motor neurons that control voluntary muscle movement are progressively destroyed, because the neurons in the lower and higher cortexes of the brain aren't able to communicate properly.

Before I learned about the disease, I learned about Stephen's many achievements. His passion for theoretical physics struck me in an awe inspiring way. Passion is evident through action, and his action before and after diagnosis contains the same thrill and passion, a fact that genuinely surprised me. Then, I subsequently learned about the disease. The realities of motor neuron disease struck me in a way that sent chills down my spine. You have no control over your life at all, and you helplessly deteriorate at the hands of the world. At about the same time I was learning about all of this and being affected by the raw pain the world has the ability to inflict, my grandmother was diagnosed with malignant brain tumor. They went in for surgery, weren't able to remove it, and told her she was going to die soon. She died on her birthday the following year. She was 66. This filled with that same raw pain I imagined Stephen Hawking felt. But I knew I had to turn that pain and anger and frustration into something else, something better. I turned into a passion that has the capacity to help others, so the same pain didn't have to be felt by hundreds of others in the future. This is why I want to be a physician. I have a passion and empathy for others and I want to do all that I can to rid the world of the neurological disease that is affecting its victims and their respective families.

In the ninth grade, I volunteered at the local hospital and delivered flowers and mail to patients across the entire floor. I wanted to be able to provide positivity to people that were facing pain at this difficult part in their lives. They were dealing with a lot and I wanted to keep them positive. However, in the eleventh grade, I decided to branch out and also offer my services as a volunteer to the Red Cross. At the Red Cross, I felt like more of a direct influence in helping the people. We were offering much needed blood to people in the face of disaster. I am extremely grateful for these volunteer opportunities that I have been given in the medical field. However, these volunteer opportunities have only sparked my passion for the medical field further. I want to impact a patient's life in a hands on way, and be given the power to save lives. My volunteer experience and my early developed passion for curing neurological diseases has helped me decide that a career in the medical field is the right choice for me.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Nov 23, 2014   #2
Lauren, this is a very effective essay. You closely adhere to the prompt and explain how Stephen Hawking and your grandmother inspired your medical dreams. I would have like to see a stronger hook at the beginning of your essay though. Opening it with the statement that you father read thick books of complexity doesn't really interest the reader immediately. I suggest that you revise that part to instead reflect what drew you to read Stephen Hawking's biography instead. Maybe you had an interest in science that you did not realize you had until you came across his books which then led you to learn more about the man who made the "Big Bang" theory the most controversial scientific topic of all time? Whatever the reason was for your being drawn to his works and biography will be part of the reason that you were drawn into the medical world. The same goes for your grandmother. You can add a touch to that by claiming to have developed an interest in Oncology, thus creating a personal relationship between you and your desire to pursue a medical degree. These are just some small suggestions I am making for your consideration and hopefully, the further betterment of your already well written essay :-)


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