Essay Topic: Explain why you desire to be a part of a community that pursues both academic excellence and spiritual development. Include relevant life experiences that have shaped your perspective, and address how you hope your education at Houghton will prepare you for the future.
This is not all the way complete, I'm just beginning. I'd love feedback on what I've already written (e.g., things to add, things to take out, grammar). I'm also a bit lost on how to close the essay so help on that is much needed. Thanks!
Here is what I have so far:
When I was 11 years old, my brother, Travis, his wife, and their two kids took a trip to Germany. They visited to France while they were there and explored captivating museums and parks of all sorts. They went twice to Germany to visit an old friend and always would return with exciting accounts of their trip. They also took a trip to New York several years later, which was equally intriguing to me. I would intently listen to the stories of their adventures and really enjoyed looking at all the pictures. After their first trip to Germany, I met my first love: travel. Six years later, at 17, this love still stands. After going to Mexico in December of 2011 for a week, my love for the Spanish culture and for travel only intensified. Having been born in Springfield, Missouri and living in Ozark, Missouri my entire 17 years, I've become restless. Although I will always have a love for Missouri and its diverse lands, I'm ready to gain a new perspective that I haven't found in Missouri, as well as a change of scenery. I've always had an interest in the East Coast and specifically New York. With Houghton being located there, it's a great way for me to experience something fresh and new.
I am currently reading a book by C.S. Lewis entitled Mere Christianity. In this book, Lewis takes a rational view on Christianity. This book has opened my mind up to many new perspectives. Many things he writes about have never crossed my mind before and I am so glad I bought it. (not a completed paragraph)
The most important part of my life and most worthy of my time is my savior, Jesus Christ. There is no better way to fulfill my love of travel than to give Him the glory through it. That is why, through much prayer, I have decided to major in Intercultural Studies. Although I haven't had much experience in the mission field, I know Houghton will challenge me academically and prepare me through intensive cultural classes and hands-on intercultural experience overseas. The option of going overseas is something I am extremely interested in participating in. I am also looking forward to minoring in Spanish in order to use that in whichever country God places me in.
Not a bad start for an essay. I would try and stick more simple sentences. Sometimes short and concise is better. Also I have found that if you read your essay out loud, your ear will pick up most grammatical errors. I do look forward to seeing the final product. Hope these corrections helped.
When I was 11 years old, my brother, Travis, his wife, and their two kids took a trip to Germany. They visited to France and while they were there and explored captivating museums and parks of all sorts. They went twice to Germany twice to visitsee an old friend and would always return with exciting accounts of their trip. They also took a trip to New York several years later, which was equally intriguing to me. I would reword this sentence if you could. It seems a bit awkward. I would listen intently to the stories ofthe tales of their adventures andI really enjoyed looking at all the pictures. After their first trip to Germany, I met my first love: travel. Six years later, at 17, <this love still stands.> You might want to consider rewording this. Maybe 'I'm still in love?" After going to Mexico in December of 2011 for a week, my love for the Spanish culture and for travel only intensified. Having been born in Springfield, Missouri and living in Ozark, Missouri my entire 17 years, I've become restless. Although I will always have a love for Missouri and its diverse lands, I'm ready to gain a new perspective What do you mean by 'gain a new perspective?' that I haven't found in Missouri, as well as a change of scenery. I've always had an interest in the East Coast and specifically New York. With Houghton being located there, it's a great way for me to experience something fresh and new.
