[b] How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago. How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.
While upon my research on universities, I knew exactly what I wanted the university I would attend for four years to include. I then came upon The University of Chicago, and decided to further investigate it. From extensive research, as I know it, I would be satisfied beyond my desires to attend The University of Chicago. The city life, its history, and its prestigious alumni is more than enough to attract a future university student. What intrigued me the most about The University of Chicago is its culturally diverse location. With the first African-American woman to receive a PHD at The University of Chicago, it promises me hope and motivation to be a better than person than I could be.
As a desire to seek a double major in Political Science and French, University of Chicago's study abroad program is a great opportunity for me to broaden my horizons and immerse myself in a culture, in determination to learn and be fluent in the French language. University of Chicago provides great discussions and workshops to interact with Political Science majors. I strive to engage with others to create a better learning environment for myself, beyond the classroom. The community in Chicago is so integrated that the exposure to this diverse community will enrich my learning that much more. To experience and live in a city so rich and full of history, everything in Chicago is a learning opportunity and a chance to improve my future. Opportunities and the ability to fulfill my dreams is everything that The University of Chicago offers.
your essay is good, but i think if you could change the introduction a bit,it would be better
How so? Please emphasize on what needs to be corrected. Thanks.
I would re-word " I knew exactly what I wanted the university I would attend for four years to include." Though this sentence makes sense, it could be made a little more smooth.
maybe, "I knew what qualities I was looking for in a university. Qualities that would satisfy my wants for the next four years..." just thoughts
Yeah that sounds great actually! Except I would replace "Wants" with desires! Thanks a lot!
There is a lot in the first paragraph that makes your essay as a whole sound very generic and uninteresting.
"While upon my research on universities, I knew exactly what I wanted the university I would attend for four years to include. I then came upon The University of Chicago, and decided to further investigate it. From extensive research, as I know it, I would be satisfied beyond my desires to attend The University of Chicago. The city life, its history, and its prestigious alumni is more than enough to attract a future university student. What intrigued me the most about The University of Chicago is its culturally diverse location. "
There is literally nothing in those sentences that says anything about you specifically; they could have been written by any student anywhere, and are not unique. You've just wasted half your essay.
Instead, make it personal. Begin with something about political science that you love or something about UChicago that has led you or will lead you to pursue a higher level of education in political science. If you could go to any school in the world and UChicago accepted you, why UChicago? Is it something that Chicago represents?
Hope I helped. Take a look at my essays if you've got a minute.
Good job and good luck! :)
