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RUTGERS APP ESSAY -EXPERIENCES; stereotypical suburban white teenage girl


mlhaas 1 / -  
Nov 7, 2012   #1
Can someone read this? I know it is not great but I wrote it quickly and RU is not a top choice, I just need to get the app submitted. Let me know what I can do quickly to make it better. I am looking to submit this tonight so please don't say to totally change the topic or anything! Thank you!

Present are the signs of a stereotypical suburban white teenage girl. I would not blame anyone making assumptions about me. I am sitting in the local library, Catholic school uniform on, long blonde hair loose, pumpkin spice coffee in hand, iPhone by my side, New York Times Styles section tucked in my bag, carefully reviewing my floral printed agenda. I do not stand out in the crowd by appearance. I do not need others to notice me, to realize that I am more than my stereotype, that I lack half the characteristics of this stereotype. I bury my nose back into my laptop writing this essay to prove this.

Of the Rutgers University students I know, they are interesting and multifaceted individuals. They are like me. Their individuality overshadows any stereotypes placed upon them and shines at Rutgers. Through my experiences that have created who I am, I can attest that I would do the same attending Rutgers.

Living my life I have learned to look at every day as a new adventure, even if it is one that I don't want to embark on, there have been many. The first big adventure of my life was unusual and in a way, comical. My single mother decided we were moving to Florida one day. Being from New Jersey, this is quite a move. My eight year old self was not keen on the idea. We packed up the minivan though, locked our townhouse for a later date, and set out for Melbourne Beach, Florida. We stayed at a friend's home until our new condo was finished. I went to school and made friends. I missed home but I was adjusting. Well, I was until my mother decided it be best we go back home to New Jersey. Our Florida residency lasted all of about two and a half weeks. Little did I know that this was not the last big move I'd make.

A few months later I was departing on another adventure. My mother's mental illness became more prevalent, affecting my everyday life. The night of my mother's birthday in February, I was taken out of my mother's custody by DYFS. I was distraught as she hugged me giving me some lunch money. I was delivered to my new home, my grandparents and father's house. It was unimaginable the loss I felt. I was incredibly attached to my mother, I even got homesick at school. I could not imagine being without my mother even though life had been difficult and nothing she said made sense anymore. Eventually though, I began school and my new life felt comfortable. I no longer prayed to return to my mother's care.

I have lived with my father and grandparents for nine years. Every day is an adventure like no other. I have watched my grandparents grow old, recover from injuries and sicknesses, teach me in the subtlest of ways and become the biggest influences in my life. I admit this, even if many a time I have thought of them as my biggest pains. I have become someone that I am glad to be. Living in unusual situation has taught me to rise to the occasion. At this stage of my life, I nearly run our house. Cooking meals, cleaning, caring, helping my dad with paying bills are all part of my daily routine. It's not that these tasks that have shaped me. It's the character that is required to carry them out. It would be easy for me to say refuse to bathe my grandmother but I have a respect for her, a sense that her well being is more important than my own.

The lessons I have learned are innumerable. The feelings that I have felt throughout my life are indescribable. I have not only developed skills but a personality through my experiences; one that I feel will allow me to contribute to the Rutgers community with ease. I am eager to expose myself to the students at Rutgers who like me, are ready for adventure, ready to tackle to tasks put in front of them and be a force in today's society. This is the adventure I am ready to embark on.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 22, 2012   #2
Interesting ... you write so well : )

Well, I was until my mother decided it be best we go back home to New Jersey.

I wish if you consider rephrasing this.... Upto this point it was a remarkable flow. I feel you can connect this idea with the previous sentence : )

Our Florida residency lasted all of aboutnot more than two and a half weeks.

Living in unusual situation has taught me to rise to the occasion.

strong sentence that tells us how strong you are : )
GOOD LUCK with your application!


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