The national debt is increasing exponentially, millions of U.S. workers have lost their jobs, and the housing market continues to falter, just to name a few .
It is extremely disappointing that the Federal government has deemed me, an innocent U.S. citizen, accountable for the avaricious decisions made on Wall Street.
Honestly, I don't like that sentence because you sound a little accusing and childish. I feel like that alone really halt the flow of your essay and doesn't contribute much to the overall topic.
Unfortunately, economists claim that a large quantity of jobs that were lost will not be reinstated, and it is discouraging to know that I will have such difficulties landing a job after earning a high end education education from such a prestigious university.
Due to the unscrupulous practices of financial institutions regarding mortgage loans and applications, I will have a difficult time meeting the stiffened requirements of obtaining a mortgage at a low interest rate when ready to apply.
Too long-winded, and if I was the admission officers, I'd think you're obviously trying to show off your vocabs w/ really long and complicated phrases and words. It's good to show off your vocabs but do it in a more subtle way.
Overall, you seem to be well-educated in this area; however, I find the essay a little bit competitive and boring. While the prompt ask about the issues that YOU are concern with, I think it would add much more depth and overall 'wow' effect if you relate how this issue will not only affect you but also millions other future college graduates