ummm, I read your essay it is definitely an honest piece with solid points but you could rephrase it in a way "show dnt tell"...
What motivates me to become a nurse is the personal reward and satisfaction of helping the ill and improving their quality of life. My vision of my nursing career includes giving aid to those in need, comforting the sick and celebrating life in every aspect.
you could write ab how u picture urself as a nurse in future, relieving pain and doing selfless serivce! just describe the emotion u feel while u r helping the sick, a lil dramatization wont hurt!
I enjoy helping others. I fit in this field because I am kindhearted, thoughtful, reliable, honest, trustworthy and I strive for excellence.
god points but they again are more of general sentences....u need 200 mre words, u can esaily do that by elaborating on ur emotions !! u ENJOY helping, how...give an example or two! plus dnt sweat it abt d word limit , just elaborate a lil and ull reach there! gudluck!
P.S.- review mine too please!