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"Remains of War: Capitalists. Communists. War." - Common App Essay


egn711 1 / 1  
Oct 19, 2014   #1
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Capitalists. Communists. War.

These prolonged conflicts between people and countries have caused mass destruction all over the world for the past hundred years. Some wars are known to have enhanced a nation while others have just caused more disasters. Motivated either by political turmoil, desire for land or to cleanse out a certain type of ethnicity, they have impacted people in bordering countries and around the world. The Vietnam War took place over the span of 20 years between the pro-communist and the pro-capitalists, and continues to impact future generations. I am apart of that generation not affected by the war itself but the circumstances that follow it. It plays an enormous part on the way I was brought up and the way I view the world now.

At the age of 11, my life changed drastically when I was separated from my family and flown to the melting pot known as the United States. No one would ever willingly fly across the world where they did not know a single person. I was still in the midst of growing up, I wanted to have fun and be close to my family not re-adjusting to a different life. Coincidentally I was reliving the same struggle that my grandparents and my dad had gone through 30 years earlier, when they dropped everything due to war and restart their lives in a foreign country. The things they may have encountered back then may have been entirely different to what I have experienced but in the end this was just another bump in the road that will lead me to where I want to be.

As an Asian American I have witnessed the disparities in two completely different cultures. Growing up in a strict communist country, I was told I had to be cautious about what I said in public. I was not able to do the things an average American child was able to do nor was I able to be opened minded to new beliefs. I wanted to be able to express my thoughts and values in a place where they would be heard, a place where I was able to make an intangible thought into a reality and America gave me that chance. It was hard to be dependent at such a young age and start anew but if my grandparents were able to do it at a much older age then I would be able to too. The opportunities I am given here are endless. I was no longer restricted to the harsh rules and traditional beliefs of Vietnam. Here I am able to engage in all sorts of activities with people worldwide with the same beliefs as me. It is here that I am finally able to achieve my dreams.

Although the war has disconnected many Vietnamese citizens from their past, it has molded the person I am today. The close-minded ideas I grew up knowing hindered my ability to grow as a child but have encouraged me to pursue my dreams now. It was the fighting spirit that my grandparents had that helped them surpass the difficulties or emigration. It was the fighting spirit in me that helped me adjust to this whole new world so I am able to voice my ideas.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 20, 2014   #2
Eileen, have you given any thought to writing a stronger introductory statement? Since you grew up dealing with the aftermath of the Vietnam war, that should be the focal point of your essay and thus, be included in the introduction. Also, you need to mention the Vietnam war at the start because placing it at the bottom of the essay makes the reader wonder which of the American involved wars you are talking about. Each American war involves the migration of the people from the war torn country to the United States so you need to make your country of origin clear so that the read will have an idea of what you had to go through and survive in order to reach this point in your life. You also speak of voicing out your ideas. So why not write a paragraph that talks about the kind of maturity that you developed at the age of 11 after you were torn from Vietnam? What lessons did you learn from that experience that helped create the person you are today? Go deeper than just your grandparents experience, talk about you and your experience, your lessons, and your outlook in life because of what you went through.
OP egn711 1 / 1  
Oct 21, 2014   #3
thank you for your input i will consider adding that to my essay!


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