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What is regret? ; significant experience, achievement, ethical delima


tiff_007 4 / 7  
Feb 1, 2013   #1
Anyone mind giving me some feedback and fixing whatever errors there are? I'm sending my application tonight but I'd like someone to review my personal essay. Also, it's over 500 words (511), so it's be a big help if I got some feedback as to where to make cuts. I'd really appreciate it! Thanks!!

**Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

What is regret? Regret: a negative conscious and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviors. How does regret feel? The feeling of regretting something is a million times worse than regret's toughest definition. When we think of all the opportunities we've missed, that empty pit of your stomach feeling tends to be difficult to get rid of. I learned this the hard way, just like everyone else.

It's amazing how just a mere memory can submerge you with so many unexplainable emotions. It was the unpleasant view of an old, barefoot, trembling woman that will always be in my memory. It was mid-January and the temperature was below average marking at twenty degrees. Walking through the crowded streets of Manhattan rushing to get home, my eyes captured the sight of her. I can still hear her teeth chattering, a sound that haunts me even to this day. I tried to keep walking and not to stare at her, but it was impossible to eschew such a painful image. Gathering all the loose change resting in my pockets, I tossed it in the small coffee cup by her feet. Quickly walking away, thoughts of giving her my jacket crossed my mind. I immediately turned it down. On my way home, I was constantly thinking about her. Her dark wrinkled skin, shaking hands and bare feet had completely shocked me. The thin dirty blanket that was tightly wrapped around herself was barely protecting her from the biting wind. Tears formed, threatening to fall. I was no better than those who passed by and ignored her. I felt my heart ache, the realization allowed me let out small sobs. 'I have to do something about it' I kept saying myself. The following day, I eagerly returned to the same spot, this time prepared. On arriving however, I noticed no one was there. She was not there. From that moment on my view about the world changed entirely.

As time went on, I've noticed that helping out those less fortunate than me was no longer something I thought twice about. It's become second nature. I've raised awareness of this in my church and several members like myself decided it was time to make a difference. Collecting clothing, shoes, blankets, and food is now done all year. Preparing the donations, driving around the city and handing them out is the easy part. Seeing all the homeless suffer, not having a cent to their name, that's the hard part. The crooked genuine smiles, soft 'Thank-you's, loud 'God-bless you's, and teary eyes you witness, well that's priceless.

Regret tends to stay with us no matter how long ago the missed opportunity took place. In order to get mentally and emotionally past previous regret, we must stop the cycle of regret and seize present opportunities, as they come, not waiting or wavering. That day I refused to take action completely changed my perspective for the better.
kabal 9 / 61  
Feb 1, 2013   #2
regret's toughest definition rephrase this

that empty pit of your stomach feeling tends to be difficult to get rid of what does this mean. make it simple and clear.
It was mid-January and the temperature was below average marking at twenty degrees just say the temperature was below zero, or something.

Walking through the crowded streets of Manhattan rushing to get home you can't be walking and rushing at the same time. revise using one word.

my eyes captured the sight of her the sight of who. Describe her.
I tried to keep walking and not to stare at her, it should be try to keep my distance.
Quickly walking away, I thoughts of giving her my jacket crossed my mind. I immediately turned it down
Her dark wrinkled skin, trebling hands and bare feet had completely shocked me.

The thin dirty blanket that was tightly wrapped around herself was barely protecting her from the biting winter
Tears formed, threatening to fall, knowingthat I was no better than those who passed by and ignored her.
I felt my heart ache and
the realization allowed me let out small sobs

From that moment on my view about the world changed entirely. rephrased: My view had changed from that moment.
I've raised awareness of this in my church and several members like myselfhave ...

The crooked genuine smiles, soft 'Thank-you's, loud 'God-bless you's, and teary eyes youI witnessed, was priceless

I love this essay. Very genuine and thoughtful. You sound like a good person.I hope i helped. GOOD LUCK
Epsilon 3 / 10  
Feb 2, 2013   #3
Reading the first paragraph, I didn't feel like it was the most amazing essay ever, but your writing is very sincere and I think that it's a decent essay. I would work on the first paragraph a bit, and perhaps find a more catchy phrase to start the essay with. But other than that, I think it's a strong essay.


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