Essay Question: We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow?
---grammatical errors, sentences that should be switched around or any additional feedback is appreciated!
With sweat dripping down my forehead and my calves burning, I could not help but ask myself: "Why am I doing this?" Why was I subjecting my body to this torture? I had no answer; my mind was blank from exhaustion. Even so, I continued at a steady pace as my mother screamed for me to keep going. Saturday morning runs were a tradition in my family and every week I was expected to run a little harder, a little faster and a little longer. No matter how tired my body was and how heavy my bones became, I had to push myself farther.
My mother has always been the voice in my head telling me to keep going, and she was one to teach by example. We are far from rich but she did not let this hinder her once. She persevered and went back to college to obtain her Bachelors in social work and is now employed as a social worker at a shelter for homeless kids. She makes less than twenty-five thousand a year, but will still use what she has to go above and beyond for others. And although she does not wield Excalibur or cast spells, she is powerful. She is powerful because she has weapons even more great: a smile and an open heart, and on multiple occasions, an open door.
One afternoon, I remember sitting in the basement watching The Lion King when I received a call from my friend Joseph. He was crying because he and his mother had gotten into an argument and she had kicked him out. He had only the clothes on his back, no food and no place to go. Joseph was alone in the streets of Detroit and it was getting dark...I began to cry with him. My mother heard my tears and came to the basement to make sure I was alright. After I explained the reason I was crying, she took the phone from me and said she would be right back. Upon her return, my phone had been replaced with a piece of paper and her car keys. She responded to my puzzled look by telling me the paper had Joseph's location on it and to get in the car. In that moment, her splendor was superior to King Arthur.
My mother has five kids of her own, and feeding the children of others was not exactly in the budget, but she always made it work. I never resented her for the small amount of food and clothing I had growing up. Instead, I admired her for how willing she was to give back to people. She is my inspiration and the reason I want to study both Psychology and Criminology. Whether I decide to become a Psychologist, Criminal Investigator or Lawyer, I am certain that I want to discover new ways to help improve the conditions or mindset a person is living within. My goal is to leave an impact on the lives of everyone I meet as big as the one my mother left on me.
Hello Ada,
What a great mom you have. After reading your essay, I get a great sense of who your mom is but not really to much about Ada. I think you do not fully answer the prompt. You begin to answer parts of it in your opening paragraph but then the reader gets pulled away by another story. To make this essay stronger, you need to translate directly characteristics that your mother has(that you admire) that have directly shaped who you are today. How have they shaped who you are today? Also, you somehow try to mash your mother's actions into wanting to study Psychology and Criminology but you do not give any real explanations as to why. If this essay is for a competitive school, it will need to be revised greatly. -AAO
My mother has always been the voice in my head telling me to keep going, and she was one to teach by example. (Although we were) far from rich but she did not let this hinder her once . She persevered,and went back to college to obtain her Bachelors in social work, and is now employed as a social worker at a shelter for homeless kids. She makes less than twenty-five thousand a year, but will still use what she has to go above and beyond for others , and although she does not wield Excalibur or cast spells, she is powerful. She is powerful because she has weapons even more great: a smile and an open heart, and on multiple occasions, an open door.
Overall this essay is quite good. However, I would go back and see if you could switch words for more powerful ones, and in general just look it over. Great job, and that I would be so lucky to have such a mother,
