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pianists, music - Common App- Short Description of Activities


answers: 2
Jan 1, 2010, 10:17am   #1
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)in 150 words

Ever since I was young, I have always been fascinated by pianists whose hands swiftly grace on the ivory keys. Their finger movements were like of spiders, moving up and down the piano with stealth; it was my cue to follow the path of music. I wanted to learn everything about the music and the magnificent instruments that I loved. I picked up my first violin when I was six and I struck the keys of a piano when I was four. Throughout the years, I developed my passion for music by auditioning for orchestras, playing at the school orchestra, volunteering at a retirement home, and leading the congregation at Northern Virginia Chinese Christian Church through piano playing. It is in the course of the ubiquitous music in my life that I was able to grow with fondness and in self confidence. Through music, I discovered my own spirit.

My answer was 149 words long. Can you check if there's any grammatical errors or missing ideas or errors?

Thank you so much! Criticism is much appreciated.

Jan 1, 2010, 11:14am   #2
overall, i think this is pretty good. just a few things..

jcmashi:
Their finger movements were like of spiders, moving up and down the piano with stealth. That was my cue to follow the path of music.


jcmashi:
I developed my passion for music by auditioning for orchestras, playing in the school orchestra


jcmashi:
It was in the course of the ubiquitous music


hope that helped! good luck and if you get the chance, please take a look at my essay as well!
Jan 1, 2010, 11:23am   #3
I picked up my first violin when I was six and I struck the keys of a piano when I was four. - I believe you must make it chronological, so first say the piano, then the violin
It is in the course of the ubiquitous music in my life that I was able to grow with fondness and in self confidence.
Their finger movements were like those of spiders, moving up and down the piano with stealth; it was my cue to follow the path of music.
This is a really good short essay, conveys all your passion and is concrete in examples as well. well done!
Please, take a look at mine if you have time :)



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