Hello. The prompt was to submit a brief philosophy statement. Can you edit this for me in terms of syle, readability, punctuation, and general feedback. Thank you for your time.
Dear Reader:
Many years ago as a seventh grader, I so miserably failed a test that is was obvious I had not studied. My teacher's only words to me were simply: "You get out of something what you put into it." I have come to understand and acknowledge the truth of this simple statement. Thus, my personal philosophy leans toward man's own industry as the compelling force that creates the life he or she desires. I believe nothing else to be as satisfying. Thomas Paine's well-known words, "What we obtain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly..." echo a similar sentiment. By not having to work for something is to be given a pass at personal growth and challenges that only empirical experience provides. And to me, working for something is the solitary source of fulfillment that governs my personal improvement and growth as a human being. It is the measure of wealth that I most ascribe to and it can be directly applied anywhere, and in nearly any situation. For instance, it matters little whether one is disabled, one can still be independent of mind and offer resources that are of value. It is the willingness to work, coupled with the application of effort that dictates the value, not the amount of output. I have seen many disabled people accomplish more in their lives than one might suppose is humanly possible. Likewise, I have known many intelligent and gifted, able-bodied people who have accomplished little in their lives.
Additionally, as a practical application, my philosophy allows me to set circumstances to provide for my continued individual growth. One way I've learned to do this is by setting a goal, working toward it, and then reaching it. With that, my current aspiration is to become a speech therapist. The work is really the best part of the journey. I know that when I have finished, I will not only hold a master's degree in speech pathology, I will have a higher sense of self-worth because I have accomplished a goal.
To be sure, there are many other elements of my life that are significant, such as God, my husband, my pets, and my friends. But by my own measure of value, I can bring more to these important life elements when I have secured my own dreams, and present myself to them as a capable and excited human being.
Good afternoon.
This is a very well-crafted piece. The reply answers the prompt, the piece is organized well, the paragraphs and sentences are properly structured, and the intro and conclusion tie everything up neatly. Your content is good and your word choice is outstanding; the result is a strong, active tone.
The only suggestion I can make for this piece is to make sure that you don't start your sentences with "and" or "but." As they are linking/transitory words, they shouldn't be the first words of a new sentence.
Other than that, an exceptional piece. Great work!
Regards,
Gloria
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