I am looking for some feedback and grammar/diction correct for my essay. Bleow is the topic and my response. Thank you for your help!
Throughout life, doors of opportunities open and close providing an infinite number of possibilities for life's journey. Embracing each opportunity allows an individual to blaze a pathway that will allow for a fulfilling and enriching journey through life. Joining the Peace Corps will be my opportunity to improve the world while inspiring others and the ability to travel and immerse myself in different cultures , expand my understanding of the world.
Growing up, I was instilled with the idea that each person should leave the world better then they found it. I have carried these values with me along my journey in life. During my youth I was active in the Boy Scouts, which provided me with the opportunity to travel and explore the outdoors, while instilling the human element. I was taught that people are here to help other people, and that we all have the ability to give back to the each other in our own way, while inspiring others to do the same.
During my tenure in Scouts, I participated in many activities that improved our community. Some activities help an individual, such as doing household maintenance for physically handicapped individuals, and other activities benefited the community, such as building trails, sidewalks and benches so the local parks could be enjoyed. Each activity had its own benefit, while inspiring others in our community to do things they would not have done before.
However, providing inspiration and the opportunity for people dream, is just as important to any community. This idea was the backbone of Eagle Scout project. In local area schools, many students didn't speak English as a first language. I went to an under privileged school and talked to the teachers to gain an understanding of what they needed. All the teachers wanted to focus on reading for their students and start a classroom library that would make reading exciting while building skills. Each teacher provided me with a wish list for what they needed. From this list, I built bookcases, cubbies and other items for them and donated the remaining money from my project to buy books. Providing the opportunity to teach someone to read and removing the barrier for them to dream big was the biggest reward for my efforts.
I carried my commitment to community throughout. While I was at college, I was provided the opportunity to be the President of our local chapter, which allowing me to lead my fraternity in community service, from charity drives for Alzheimer's and Pediatric AIDS, to cleaning up local parks. After college I continued my community service, from donating to various charities to participating at the local food shelter. It is my goal to improve the world around me which drives my volunteerism.
The world is a big place and I want to experience all of it. This is my other passion in life, traveling and experiencing other cultures. Living in Washington DC, I was able to interact with many individuals from diverse cultural backgrounds. Looking to see the world, I seized and opportunity and moved to London in 2009. While living in London, I was able to learn about a new part of the world and its culture all while meeting many different people from numerous countries. My experiences there are invaluable, having opened my eyes to the world and all of its different people and cultures.
Joining the Peace Corps will be my opportunity to peruse my passions, while allowing me to use my skills to help others. Each opportunity in life provides its own set of challenges. Whenever interacting with a new group of people and culture, it can be difficult at first. However, I have confidence in my ability to understand and function in their culture, while gaining their acceptance. I look forward to the new experiences I will encounter and will overcome any challenges that come my way. The Peace Corps is a door to an opportunity that will make my life fuller and richer.
Throughout life, doors of opportunities opportunity open and close, providing an infinite number of possibilities for one's journey. --- you did not make mistakes. This is just an idea I had for you.
I don't know if it is correct to say "I was instilled with." I would do this:
Growing up, I was instilled impressed with the idea that each person should leave the world better then they found it.
I have carried these this notion with me along my journey in life.
... charity drives for Alzheimer's and Pediatric AIDS, to cleaning up local parks. --- This is good.. and it makes me curious about your professional aspirations. Can you talk some more about what field you want to enter? I think that is relevant because of what it means about the PEace Coprs contribution you can make.
Right here, this is too general and it is something you already said: Joining the Peace Corps will be my opportunity to peruse my passions, while allowing me to use my skills to help others. --- I think you should write something here about your field of expertise/interest and how it related to the desire to help others.
You write very well!
