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'the person I envisioned' - UT Austin-Someone who has impacted your life.


answers: 2
Dec 25, 2008, 03:39pm   #1
Hi, I am applying to the University of Austin and was wondering if anyone could give some suggestions for my first essay. I'm having trouble determining whether or not it thoroughly answers the prompt.

Personal Essay 1
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

For some, little incidents are all it takes to change a person and open their eyes. Others, however, require much more for them to finally see clearly. I was one of them. Within the approximately last sixteen years of my life, I have struggled with issues involving self confidence and assertiveness. Words easily affected my emotions and constituted my actions. I never disagreed with anyone out fear that I would be hated. To a stranger, I would seem like the quiet, shy kid who sat in the corner of the classroom. It was not until later that I finally realized that something needed to be done.

It was a hot day, as usual, on a particular Friday afternoon. Knowing that the weekend, a period of peace and tranquility between the endless hours of school and homework, awaited me however, thoughts of sleeping in quickly overwrote the humid, baking weather. Fridays, no matter what time of the year, always put me in a good mood.

I strolled along the path leading to my house, deep in thoughts concerning my weekend agenda and oblivious to the world around me.

"Yes! It's finally Friday!" I thought to myself while unlocking the door after fiddling with the keys for some time.

"I can't wait to-"

As I twisted the doorknob and pushed forward, sounds of clamor immediately embraced me. My body froze as my brain rigorously attempted to process everything. After several seconds, it came to the conclusion that my parents had simply bought new furniture and were moving it into its rightful place, thus explaining the ruckus. This theory, however, proved to be terribly incorrect as a rather undersized Hispanic kid, not my mother or father, of about fourteen years of age walked carelessly by my face.

"Hi...," the boy daringly said.
Another kid had clumsily trotted out from my kitchen, surprised. He immediately ran pass me towards my parents' bedroom.

"Someone's here!" he whispered.

I slowly followed the kid to the entrance of the room only to find another, slightly older boy emerging from my room. He looked at me nervously, holding my video game system. It was then that I finally realized what was taking place: my house had been broken into. Panic grew within me as I reached for my cell phone and began calling for the police. Meanwhile, the three kids fled into my parents' bathroom, abruptly shutting the door. When I had finally opened the door, it was too late; they had managed to squeeze through the broken window upon which they entered. Amidst all the commotion, I had hung up the phone and was not able to reach the police.

After a few minutes' worth of finally soaking in all that had happened, I called my parents. It was only after that did I call the police.

During the days that followed, I replayed the scene in my head several times. I began to wonder: why did I just stand there? I could have immediately called for help or gone to my neighbor. Instead I just stood there, frozen in fear. The thought of this ate me up from the inside, because this was a perfect example of my most important flaw: having no confidence. My lack of confidence prevented me from taking any initiative in life. I finally saw that I needed to change myself. Ever since then, I made it a priority to improve by being more outgoing and less submissive whenever possible. I took advanced courses school to challenge myself and joined a few clubs to help the community. I became much more social and interacted with others rather than remaining quiet while listening to everyone.

Between then and now, I know that I have not yet become the person I envisioned. I do, however, know that I have changed considerably even though it may not appear evident to others: words no longer have as much as a grasp on me as before and I am now more inclined to input my own opinion on any matter, rather than simply agreeing. Though feel a bit of hatred towards those kids, I honestly want to thank them. They had not only broadened my perspectives, but they had also kept me keenly aware of my flaws. I see clearly now that I will not be able to succeed in life unless I have the will and confidence to set a firm grasp on my goals.

I was one of these.


It was a hot day, as usual, on a particular Friday afternoon. Knowing that the weekend, a period of peace and tranquility between the endless hours of school and homework awaited me however, and thoughts of sleeping in quickly overrode the humid, baking weather.

When I finally opened the door, it was too late; they had managed to squeeze through the broken window through which they had entered.

I took advanced courses at school to challenge myself, and joined a few clubs to help the community. I became much more social and interacted with others, rather than remaining quiet while listening to else.

Since then, while not quite yet becoming the person I envision, I do know that I have made quite a bit of progress and have changed considerably,
even though it may not appear evident to others: words no longer have as much of a grasp on me. I am now more inclined to input my own opinion on any matter, rather than simply agreeing. Though I do feel a bit of hatred towards those kids, I honestly want to thank them. They not only broadened my perspectives, but they have also made me keenly aware of my flaws. I see clearly now that I will not be able to succeed in life unless I have the will and confidence to keep a firm grasp on my goals.


Good luck!!

:)
Dec 29, 2008, 07:04pm   #3
Thank you for your suggestions! =)
Do you think you can take a look at my second essay? Thanks in advance!

Personal Essay 2
Choose an issue of importance to you—the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope—and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.


There is but one place that I think of when it comes to family issues-a place where many gather in hopes of winning. It is a place where noisy clicks from clashing coins and upbeat tones from winning slots come together in harmony. It is a place where money is made and lost. It is the casino.

My family may appear quite like an average family on the surface-the elderly, yet happy grandparents, the loving aunts and uncles along with their overly hyper and loud kids. It is a known fact among all of us, however, that our family has been plagued with an undying disease: habitual gambling. It is the main source of our financial arguments, among several other topics. For me, however, it is not only a matter of finance, but of a childhood lost in nothing but arguments between my parents as well.

The most prominent memories of my childhood consist of harsh voices and tears mainly between my parents, save the typical recollection of first experiences and other various moments. I had grown up to those two things without knowing the reason and wondering why they had to fight constantly. As I grew older, my mother slowly revealed the truth to me, one piece at a time. It wasn't long before the puzzle came together: my parents' marriage was slowly crumbling to pieces thanks to gambling. My father had consistently taken all the money that he could get a hold of and simply threw it all away at the poker table. I may have been young, but even then, I had already realized the magnitude of the problem although there was nothing that could be done.

It wasn't long before they had finally divorced. The effect was not sudden, but rather, it took place over time; slowly, my father began to disappear from my life. Eventually, images of him within my mind are just the about the closest I can get to him. As such, I never knew what it was like to have a true father.

Gambling was the source of my parents' problem. It tore them apart and rendered me fatherless for a period of time. It has done this to numerous others as well, including my uncles and aunts. I never understood the benefits of gambling. How is spending money on an addicting game of improbable chance logical? What does make sense to me, however, is that gambling is no different than drinking or drugs: once you are hooked, you can't go back.

Gambling is an issue that has affected me in many ways. It stripped me of a father and gave me nothing but a sad, stressed mother who must work twice as hard to care for me. It damaged my family physically and emotionally, resulting in disagreements which may lead to more splits and sadness. Gambling is horrible. It is demoralizing. It is deteriorating. But it is a simultaneously encouraging reminder of what I, as a person, should not be. I see, clearly, the side effects of addiction and temptation. With all of this in mind, I will be aware of the path I am taking and the consequences, whether good or bad, that may follow. Whenever I am pushed towards wrongdoings, I will reconsider because I know that what I do can easily ruin me, just like how gambling has affected my family.



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