For the Common Application, there comes a part that asks the applicant to select and write about a prompt.
I chose:
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (Limit 650 Words)
Here's my essay:
Many of the determining factors of a person's identity are displayed through their actions and how they carry themselves in relation to those around them. In order to become something more than oneself, that person must be adaptable and flexible to change. At fourteen years of age, I was far from that. It wasn't until I found my identity within a single extracurricular activity at a high school in Phoenix, Arizona- a program I never truly wanted to be a part of in the first place- that I realized that change might not be so bad.
My mother, a woman who knows me better than I know myself, was in charge of selecting the courses I would take during my freshman year of high school. She chose typical classes like honors biology, honors geometry/algebra, honors English, P.E., Spanish, and to my distaste, an elective course called NJROTC. When I learned my mother had decided I would take part in a military program I had expressed no interest in, I was furious. Why would I ever want anything to do with the military? It had nothing to do with the way I dreamed of living my own life. At the time, my mindset was one of frustration and annoyance until I spent my first class period with the course's instructors. I thought that being in NJROTC meant participating in strenuous physical activities every day throughout the entirety of the course and being forced to do/participate in things I had no desire to be involved in. My preconceived notions, however, were put to rest shortly after joining the program.
NJROTC stands for Naval Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps. My instructors were SNSI (Senior Naval Science Instructor) LCDR Paula F. Sawdy-Bowes (USN RET) and NSI (Naval Science Instructor) MSgt Paul A. Smith (USMC RET). It was through these two extraordinary instructors that I discovered my love for this country went beyond just what I knew from my history classes. In NJROTC, I learned much more about what it means to serve our country than the physical strength and endurance needed to become a soldier. I learned that being in the military isn't all for the war effort. I learned how to become part of the driving force of our country's freedom while further developing important skills in discipline, respect and leadership. The NJROTC program gave me confidence and created a new direction in my life I never would have otherwise explored. It opened the doors to countless opportunities while defining my personal morals, values, and principles. For this, I attribute who I am today as a person and future sailor to the NJROTC program, my mother and my two instructors I will likely never forget.
Current Word Count: 452
Please, do not be afraid to be brutally honest; I'm sure I can handle any and all critiques.
Thank you!
overall a good story. But i think the story telling might be a bit better. Specially you can talk about a particular event or incident in NJROTC; even if you do not, you can still explain a bit more or write about NJROTC a bit more. I get a feeling the essay's a bit too short.
I concur; good story, just elaborate more on NJROTC. You have some space left, so instead of saying it has effected your life in these ways, maybe illustrate a certain event that taught you different values. What I could see as a really interesting essay grabber is starting the entire thing off with a scene from a training exercise or something difficult you did during NJROTC. Really being descriptive, like the sweat rolling down your arms, sun beating down, putting them in the moment, lol. Really nice so far though!
