What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about yourself that will make your future roommate-and us-get to know you better.
Hey, I'm your new roomie and I hope we can become great friends. How about I tell you a little about myself? I am by nature a human contradiction; I am the epitome of nonconformity and kind of random. To save you time I'll tell you some of my best qualities: I am an avid gamer and fan of everything from The Sims 3 to Modern Warfare 3. I am fluent in Sarcasm and a bit melodramatic. Many people describe me as proud or arrogant, but in actuality I'm just stating my opinion, I attribute that to my nature as a prideful Leo. Although I am a High School scholar who loves to be in shape, you're probably more likely to find me "geeking out" over a new book than screaming obscenities at the T.V...unless it's the Superbowl-best commercials ever and a good long game. I love writing and can probably be found twenty-three of twenty-four hours (the last hour is for sleeping) scribbling away at my notebook planning some epic battle for a book I am writing. Embracing the geek stereotype is probably the greatest thing I have ever done (besides learning to play guitar). In embracing it, I think I've created a unique style all my own somewhere between movie star suave and clumsy nerd. I enjoy wasting my precious time by reading manga and Wikipedia articles, watching movies, or in the best situation singing badly. I'm addicted...to fun. I love quality Mexican food, but can survive on instant noodles for months. I am addicted to the paranormal and quality horror films. I also believe I'm perfect for you! See ya soon!
-Shakir, the weirdest best friend you'll ever have.
I really wanted to bring my quirkiness and my randomosity to this essay...Questions? Comments? Concerns?
I don't know, dude.
I am by nature a human contradiction; I am the epitome of nonconformity and kind of random. Why is this a contradiction?
Many people describe me as proud or arrogant, but in actuality I'm just stating my opinion, I attribute that to my nature as a prideful Leo. Not to be judgmental, but this makes you seem like a guy that's hard to get along with. I don't think that's what Stanford wants to see in their applicants.
Although I am a High School scholar who loves to be in shape, you're probably more likely to find me "geeking out" over a new book than screaming obscenities at the T.V...unless it's the Superbowl-best commercials ever and a good long game. Seems like you're trying to get in all these aspects about your personality - you're a smart athletic geek - but the way it comes in here it's forced.
I could go through the rest of the essay, but the point is, overall, this essay does not tell me anything about you other than that you're kind of a geeky guy. Fine, but there's no focus. There's nothing tying it all together. There's nothing in there that separates you from the tons of other "geeks" applying to Stanford - there's nothing original in liking video games and manga and Mexican food.
If I were you, I'd scrap this whole essay, to be blunt. Start over and pick something more specific that helps your roommate and the school really get to know you. Maybe it could be one of these things. For me, right now, the essay really doesn't work in its current form, grazing over a bunch of little things that I'm sure you're passionate about. But instead of just listing them, I think it would be better to explore your passion for one of them and see where that takes you.
Best of luck.
I think your essay needs to be more focused. It's great that you show how diverse and interesting you are, but in the end I don't get the best feeling of who you are. The ending impression is a bit... shallow if you know what I mean. I think it would make more sense to focus on the best aspects of yourself. By the way, you don't want to say you are arrogant. It has a negative connotation. I know what you're trying to say but AO's need to read these things fast. Good luck!
