1.CAREER GOALS: Include a brief statement of your plans for the field of study you wish to pursue. This should include your reasons for studying your chosen field, your intended area of specialization within this field, and a brief description of the career you plan to follow after completion of this course of study at Penn State.
shall i talk something about my wide interest and personal goals ? and should i deal with the part "a brief description of the career after completion of the course" by focus on the field of ee as my major? If so, to what degree?
2.PERSONAL STATEMENT: Please tell us about your preparation for college. Explain any interruptions in your schooling, e.g. military service or emplyment. Please tell us about your important time commitments other than academic work(for example, school organization, jobs, the arts, service, and athletics)
need I describe my courses in high school ? I think in this essay, I should accentuate extracurricular activities, community service, and employment. But I also confused to what degree they should be described.
And I wonder how to assign all contents in two essays, and balance them with coherence.
I do need your help! It's really urgent! Any advied welcomed! Thank you all! :)
You seem to be on the right track for the first one. You would start out talking about your wider reasons for wanting to study in your chosen field, and then get more specific about what you hope to accomplish in that field.
For the second one, the prompt does indeed ask you to talk about extracurricular activities. Try to relate them to the ways in which they helped prepare you for college. The degree to which you describe them will depend upon how many you have and how much you have to say about them.
It would help if you wrote out a rough draft, even if you did it through free writing, so that we had something substantial to comment on.
This is my essay for career goals:
As both of my parents were art students in college, when I was a little boy, I thought engineering jobs are mysterious and awesome. It is normal for a boy like me, and even many adults, because average people, in the typical run of ordinary life, do not ever have any personal dealings with engineers, even though we benefit from their work every day. When I watched the Discovery programs which introduced application of new technologies, I was shocked by the penetrating discernment and endless imagination of engineers; when I saw the panels of GE which said, "The wind energy power generation comes from GE", I admired the electrical industry for its contribution to the upgrading of life.
During my school years, I found many of those who did excellent jobs in math and physics and shared amazing practical skills, had parents with engineering backgrounds, though their jobs varied from chief designers, professors, to entrepreneurs. In the days I lived in Zhongguancun, Beijing, also called "China's Silicon Valley", every morning I could see staff of Internet companies and software suppliers fill up the streets, who hurried to office with prepared box lunch in their hands. When I accessed skyscrapers, I respected most the young engineers in research and development department of leading industrial companies, and I could feel my strong desire to join them.
I intend to pursue a bachelor degree in electrical engineering in next four years, and I am prepared to succeed within your rigorous program while the Department of Electrical Engineering at Penn State is among the largest, oldest, and the most innovative in the nation. While electrical engineers have contributed to the development of a wide range of technologies from the Global Positioning System to electrical power generation, electrical engineering as a major offers various courses of a comprehensive knowledge system, which covers the field of mathematics, physics, computer science, and management. Meanwhile, electrical engineering contains a wide range of sub-disciplines from power engineering, signal processing, instrumentation, to microelectronics and telecommunications, which means more potential and choices for a lifetime of success. Electrical engineers design, develop, test and supervise the deployment of electrical systems and electrical devices; they may work on the operation of power stations and the lighting and wiring of Olympic Venues; they can be found in the offices of a consulting firm or on site at a mine. Moreover, I believe the training to be an engineer will equip me with problem-solving skills and continuous learning ability, and will instruct me to think intelligently in an objective and critical way.
As Thomas L. Friedman commented in his book, "the world is flat in the twenty-first century", in which "flat" actually means "connected": a drastic lowering of trade and political barriers, a great change of business modes and work patterns, a radical improvement of work efficiency and life convenience, in the foundation of exponential technical advances of the digital revolution. Electrical Engineers, beyond doubt, have been and will always be the promotional force of the digital revolution and contributor to the "flat" world, together with software engineers, scientists, entrepreneurs, and other pioneer groups of society. I am eager to step into this process of "regenesis", and dedicate myself to better use of energy, construction of better telecommunication systems, and supplying better equipment to organizations, companies and individuals as an electrical engineer.
plz give advice.tks :)
in the first sentence, "I thought engineering jobs are mysterious and awesome.", this should be changed to "were mysterious and awesome", you've used two tenses in one sentence and it will prob be the first thing people would notice when reading it. :)
also...
"It is normal for a boy like me, and even many adults, because average people, in the typical run of ordinary life, do not ever have any personal dealings with engineers, even though we benefit from their work every day. "
this is too long and a little 'all over the place'. maybe change it to something like;
it was normal for a boy like me, and even many adults to think this because people who live in the typical run or ordinary life never really think of the engineer, despite benifitting (spell that right) from their work every day.
As both of my parents were art students in college, when I was a little boy, I thought engineering jobs are mysterious and awesome.
Hmm..I don't really see the link. The cause and effect relation in this sentence isn't very logical.
I was shocked by the penetrating discernment and endless imagination of engineers
I was "amazed"? would that be better?
I admired the electrical industry for its contribution to the upgrading of life
During my school years, I found many of those who did excellent jobs in math and physics and shared amazing practical skills, had parents with engineering backgrounds, though their jobs varied from chief designers, professors, to entrepreneurs .
Thanks! any more advice, plz :)
Both of my parents were art students in college, and as a little boy I thought their engineering jobs were mysterious and awesome.
In the last paragraph, are you quoting the book by Friedman? If that is an exact quote, put quotation marks around it. If it is not an exact quote, change to:
Thomas L. Friedman explains that the world is "flat" in the twenty-first century, in the sense that everything is connected.
thanks! And I'm back with my second essay of ps below:
The sense of pride as a "good student" died when I saw the scores displayed on the computer screen, indicating I had to take a second time of the College Entrance Exam to be admitted by a university matching my graduation from a famous high school, while before that I expected to access a top-10 university in China. A voice from my heart kept roaring, "Look! You such a failure! What the hell could you do?" I thought even a 16-year-old salesgirl was stronger to me, cause she earned her living while I depended on my parents!
I joined a reenforcement class and studied hard with the title of "shame". In the nights, I lay on the bed with my eyes open, confused when asking myself, "Who you are? What's your role in the society?" I saw no difference between me and a gang boy, for neither of us was a student in school nor had a job-I did not know where I belong! However, I knew my only way to prove my value was to study hard and succeed in the exam the next year.
I got my redemption when I did an excellent job finally, which equipped me with confidence to study in America and inspiration to settle alone in Beijing. While I worked hard for TOEFL and SAT, I thought I must earn my living with my hand, which was not only warm-up for exotic life , but also a duty of an adult.
I searched the Internet and found jobs as extra hands. I stood on the street, handed out leaflets one after one, realizing many passers-by kept distance from me so they would not be disturbed on the way home. I lingered at the exit of subway station in the street lights, shouting again and again, "McDonald's coupons for only one Yuan", with great pain in my throat in the next few days. During my first days of employment, I came to understand the unease of life, much harder than life in school.
Then I took a waiter job at a restaurant. There I was train to change table cloths and clean picture windows, I learned the menu by heart and rehearsed to serve customers in good manners in face of the boss before my service with fellow waiters, many of whom came from rural area throughout the country. I served in the busiest hours, during which we paced back and forth from one table to another, handed orders and bills to the counter and took changes back, served the dish to tables and expedited to the chef. When lunch time was over, all staff would sit at one table, eating, chatting, watching NBA games, and sometimes complaining about the picky customers. I liked to chat with them, hear their stories and know their hometowns. They were kind-hearted, energetic and hard-working, and we built up good friendship during my two months there.
Now when I serve in a convenience store, looking the crowds passing by and saying welcome to those coming inside, I know everyone has his own life with efforts, mo matter who he is, where he comes from, what job he has and what he's dreaming for. I am never confused with my orientation and value. Since I have been lucky enough to have a happy family, a good education and a chance to study abroad, I should earn this luck by doing my best in college years and chasing my prospect in life.
I still need all your advice in these two essays. really,really hard to express my appreciation :)
suggestions! Pleeease! It is quite urgent!Thank you!
My sense of pride as a "good student" died when I saw the scores displayed on the computer screen, indicating I had to take the College Entrance Exam a second time in order to be admitted by a university matching my graduation from a famous high school, while before that I expected to access a top-10 university in China. A voice from my heart kept roaring, "Look! You are such a failure! What the hell could you do? " I realized that even a 16-year-old salesgirl was stronger than me, because she earned her living while I depended on my parents!
"Who are you ? What's your role in the society?"
This is very thoughtful! I hope you do well in school!!
( : thanks!
gdtbj2008, did you write/print your essay on an extra paper?
The space provided in the 'Additional information Form for international applicants' seems a bit small to fit in your great essay.
Did you print or hand-write? On an additional paper or the space provided?
Please share your experience, I'm also applying for Penn State.
Thanks.
