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"my parents came to this country as Hispanic immigrants" - College Essay


ohsmendez 1 / 2  
Dec 28, 2010   #1
Walking down the hallway I began to bite my nails as the room got closer. We were late due to the reason my dad had gotten home from work, right before we were about to leave. After a quick shower and a couple bites of dinner he was ready and we were on our way. The meeting was at 6:00 pm not too far from our house. It was our first meeting for the trip I would take in a couple months. Thirty other students and I would be traveling to England, Ireland, and Whales for three weeks. We were complete strangers to each other, taken from every corner of Colorado and put together for an amazing trip. Unfortunately I was the only Hispanic student of thirty. As we entered the room we sat in the back and I began to translate for my parents. As I spoke I watched heads turn, they were apparently not accustomed to the voice in the back, but I had to do it. Both my parents came to this country as immigrants looking for a better tomorrow. This is the reality I have always lived with, and something I am not ashamed of.

Coming from a Hispanic background there have been many circumstances were I've struggled and wished life was easier. I grew up a in a neighborhood surround my people that looked just like my family and I. As I entered school I also attended a school rich in the same culture I came from. This grew to a disadvantage once we moved to a community much more diverse. I attended a school were everyone spoke English, except for me. Tears spilled from my face every time school ended frustrated with the fact I couldn't be like everyone else. As the years went by I slowly progressed and realized I didn't need to be like every one else. Knowledge was a universal language; a language I was determined to learn with heart and soul.

Being excluded from a world that was aware of what was happening around due to their understanding as a young child; I felt left out. A feeling that made you wish everything was different from where you came from to the color of your binder. This is a feeling that I wish upon no one. Fortunately when I reached high school I found a balance between the cultures I came from and the one I was still afraid of. I attend a high school were over 100 languages are spoken and students come from every walk of life. This balance has helped me dive head first into my studies, which is something I've always been passionate of.

Through my studies I got an amazing opportunity to intern at The Children's Hospital. The internship was for a period of 3 months and in those 3 months; I opened my eyes to how much difference I can make in this world. I yearn to help others, so that one day we will live in a place where it is completely acceptable to come from a different culture and still feel comfortable. I have found a profession that gives me just that ability: a pediatrician. As a pediatrician I will one day rejoice in the fact that I will be giving back to my community and help those in need regardless where they may come from. Being able to learn has given me the power come this far.

Over my years I have learned many things and have learned to appreciate the many cultures our world is made of. I end my senior year with the drive to further my education into a higher institution of learning. I love to learn, its what keeps me going everyday. This passion is what drives me to become a pediatrician. An education beyond that of my high school diploma will help me realize my dream of becoming a pediatrician. I will then be hopefully become a role model to others in my community and help improve others from the different cultures.
Eccentri 1 / 4  
Dec 28, 2010   #2
You need to review for grammatical mistakes like when you state "I end my senior year with", it leads one to ask if you have ended your senior year or if you are going to end you senior year. If you're talking about the future, then maybe you should rephrase it so as to say 'When I end my senior year', 'I will end my senior year' or something along those lines. Also, in a formal essay, for numbers under ten you should spell them out like "three" rather than putting them in their numeral form. A few things to work on are putting commas in the right places, as some of your sentences do not make sense, take "Tears spilled from my face every time school ended frustrated with the fact I couldn't be like everyone else.", now this sentence is just missing a comma to make it grammatically correct and completely coherent, as inferring can lead the reader to understand what you're saying. "Tears spilled from my face every time school ended, frustrated with the fact I couldn't be like everyone else." This is more coherent and the reader will be able to understand without having to infer too much.

Other than grammatical mistakes I believe that your essay is touching.


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