Engineering reminds me of the particle accelerators that crush atoms together to form extraordinary products. Put any two ideas or fields of study into these particle accelerators; crush them together, and the interdisciplinary character of the products that emerge will only be found within the field of engineering.
I have learned about the cell vesicles, and I wish to manipulate them to aid in drug delivery. I have learned about stroke, and I wish to apply my knowledge to cure the disease. Recently, I have fostered a new idea; I wish find a technique that poses less risk than the laser eye surgeries to correct myopic vision. I have learned about the major cause of myopia, and I wish to create a "biocompatible lens". I am a particle accelerator, ready to smash together my knowledge and my problem solving skills. However, at present, I lack the essential ingredients to create miraculous products. To invent the "biocompatible lens" I will need to know how to synthesize biomaterial. To realize my ideas I will need to do vigorous research. I know Cornell College of Engineering has the resources I need. I am delighted to find that the BME department at Cornell has six major research fields, and one of them involves the research of biomaterials. I hope that through taking advantage of the research facilities at Cornell, I can one day create the "biocompatible lens" that will be as easy to use as the contact lens, yet can integrate much better as part of our eyes.
these two paragraphs are not connect, just look at them individually i think they are really unclear
thanks in advance for advice
You might want to work on the particle accelerator metaphor a bit. Isn't engineering itself a field of study? Wouldn't that make engineering and biology the two particles, and the university itself the accelerator? Also, you might want to focus purely on the "biocompatible lens," since that is the example you keep coming back to in the rest of the paragraph.
I have learned about the cell vesicles, and I wish to manipulate them to aid in drug delivery. I have learned about stroke, and I wish to apply my knowledge to cure the associated diseases . Recently, I have fostered a new idea: I wish find a technique that poses less risk than the laser eye surgeries to correct myopic vision.
I want to add that I think the particle accelerator metaphor is great. Who knows whether the admissions person will think my way or Sean's way... but to me, it seems like a clever, eloquent way to present yourself!
I think your essay is rather short, but that is my opinion. The essay can have up to a maximum of 500 words and you only have 254 words.
I hate to be harsh, but the prompt for Cornell's College of Engineering is:
Engineers turn ideas (technical, scientific, mathematical) into reality. Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest.
Your essay looks like it's all over the place, I would focus on ONE idea and elaborate on it.
Good luck!
