Please help, deadline in just 2 days. Any feedback is appreciated.
NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU? (200-400 words)
As a child, I grew up in Yangon, Myanmar. Despite 11 years of living there, sadly I'll admit, I did not learn much. It wasn't because I did not want to learn but rather, I did not have the opportunities to connect with the outside world. Electricity could go down any minute without a smallest sign of warning, not to mention there was only a barely useable internet connection. Most of the time I spent in front of my computer was to stare at a loading screen. Coping without electricity had been second nature to me. Without electricity, there wasn't much I could do, could I? (Well, I didn't sleep the whole time!) As a result, my outgoing, extroverted self grew furiously as I sought to meet new friends in my neighborhood just so I could just pass time playing board games, soccer, and sharing stories.
Moving to Thailand felt like my surroundings fast-forwarded at least five years. A new world of possibilities opened up to me. As a child who was bounded by limited opportunities, I strived to expand my perspectives and immersed myself among diverse people from my international school. I learned to become open-minded and participated in various extracurricular activities, building invaluable friendships along the way. NYU is the epitome of diversity - the place where I can further fuel the fire inside me to meet people from different backgrounds. I am eager to learn from others in this vibrant atmosphere. In return, I can present my perspectives based on my unique culture and customs.
NYU Polytechnic School of Engineering stands out as an excellent choice for my interest in computer science and engineering. From my childhood experiences, I was not content with what was available to me. I needed a more comfortable, promising environment. Necessity leads to creations. I realized that my country is in dire need of innovation and modern technology to move forward. I dreamed of lending a hand in its path to development. At the Polytechnic School of Engineering, where innovations and inventions are greatly emphasized, I believe I will be well-equipped with the right tools and resources to turn my inspirations into reality.
The essay is well written overall but I think that although you answered the part "What can NYU offer you?". You have missed out the "what can you offer NYU?" part.
Writing just this sentence "In return, I can present my perspectives based on my unique culture and customs." might not be enough. Try to expand on this part.
