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Oregon Essay - Describe something that you are proud of in the previous 2 years.


BearMillz 2 / 3  
Dec 23, 2010   #1
Any thoughts, I want to make sure i haven't missed anything before i turn it in. it is almost 900 words so i can't really make it any longer. Thanks!

Throughout my time at La Jolla Country Day School, community service has been an aspect that I have always held high. During the summer of 2009 my school offered an over seas program in Kenya to develop a local school district into a clean, modern environment. Having always wanted to visit Africa, I knew I had to take advantage of this offer. Giving back to the community, whether it is in my neighborhood or halfway around the world, is very important to me.

Arriving in Kenya was a completely new experience for me. It was my first time being in Africa and I was able to experience the sights, the lavish smells, and the African culture that surrounded me. Being a tall, white, foreigner painted me as a stand out when I entered the airport, but if I was to understand the culture I had to experience it first hand. Even though the drive from Nairobi to Masai Mara was seven-hours it was one of the most incredible experiences. As we arrived at the Market just south of Narok (a town), we unloaded our small vans and switched into two World War II trucks that endure the rugged two-hour drive through the mountains. As we started our second journey, children raced along side the trucks yelling "Jambo!" trying to get see what we looked like. I was happier than I had ever been, leaning off the side of the truck waving back at the young kids. As we pulled up to the fence of the school we would be working at, we heard a roar of delight from the young children. As they poured out of the classrooms they grabbed our hands and took us to the front of the school for an assembly. The principal of the school made us all introduce ourselves in front of hundreds of children as they tried to imitate what we sounded like. For hours we played all sorts of games with the children as they wore our hats and sunglasses and tried to mimic how we looked. As much fun as we had playing with the children, as we looked around the school we were struck by reality, seeing how impoverished the school was. The buildings were made out of rocks and mud, and the roofs were sheet metal. We realized it would be a difficult task to help renovate the school but it was the task we had come to complete. Members from the community helped join in as we cut through the groundwork of the buildings and dug into the soil. We wheeled hundreds of pounds of cement into a pourer and helped build a foundation for the new buildings.

As well as working in the schools we were offered the chance to help out the local mothers. We walked 5 miles to the river that supplied the village with water only one of 6 trips the mothers make per day. The water they drank was brown, and filled with disease; it sickened me that they drank this daily. As we carried the water back we placed the water into a large container where it would be filtered and stored for all to drink. Upon finishing this task we walked to the village and were given the chance to go inside the huts and experience family life in person. As we entered the huts a stench of fodder and rotting meat made me nauseous. The sweat ran down my face and flies pelted my face and arms. Claustrophobic, I got out as soon as I could but it was an encounter that I would remember. I thought of my life back home and how fortunate I am, and how these families live off bare necessities compared to our life in America in which there are so many luxuries. They are shielded and unknowing of how the rest of the world lives. It made me truly appreciate the luxuries I have.

As well as my service part of the trip the friendships I made while I was over seas were life long. I befriended a Felix, a Masai Warrior, who had passed his test to become a warrior, the test of killing a lion. We shared stories of our childhood and how we grew up. He told me about how he fetched and hunted for food. He boasted his prestige as a hunter and showed me how to use a bow and arrow. Unable to comprehend the vast difference in lifestyles we still enjoyed sharing our differences. To this day we send letters back and forth keeping up with each other and allows me to keep in contact with a close friend. A friendship I hope lasts a long time.

Even though we returned home two weeks after, our job was not complete. The group of kids including myself that went on the trip set up school fundraisers, bake sales, and charity events to help raise money to buy meal plans and mosquito nets for the schools. Going on the trip to Kenya that summer opened my eyes to multitudes of community service events in my area. Working with the community service board, I was able to help out with Aids tent events as well as the annual Walk for Water walk in Mission Bay, San Diego. All of which have proceeds that go to African States. My experiences and friendships I made will last with me forever and it is an experience that I am very proud of.
OP BearMillz 2 / 3  
Dec 24, 2010   #2
Again if anybody could help me that'd be great
writerblock 3 / 14  
Dec 24, 2010   #3
over seas program one word or two?

lavish smells, [exotic] or did the place stink?

foreigner painted me [seems racial, did you mean: pointed out, or stood out?

Jambo!" trying to get to get

fence of the school [that] we would

I befriended a Felix, a Masai ...is that a name or title.

"I thought of my life back home and how fortunate I am, and how these families live off bare necessities compared to our life in America in which there are so many luxuries."

There are places in the United States which are not much different. You didn't need to go to a third world country to experience extreme poverty.

The essay is pretty good. Just a couple things in the writing that I noticed. What is the "Oregon aspect" in the title???

If you get a chance over the holidays, take a read of my essay and let me know what you think. Good luck.


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