***Please make as many changes as possible so my message is clear and essay is free of grammatical errors. Also, can you tell me if I repeat myself at all? If so, which parts of the essay should I take out? That would be VERY much appreciated! THANK YOU!!!
Prompt: Choose an issue of importance to youïthe issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scopeïand write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation
I was in 4th grade when the twin towers fell to the ground, in 9th grade when my close neighbor joined the American forces in Iraq, and in Israel during the Israel and Lebanon War. I have indirectly been exposed to exhibitions of terrorism since my childhood, but never fully understood the gravity of the issue until I reached high school. The combined effects of important figures and experiences at home and abroad have influenced me to raise awareness throughout my community about the effects of terrorism on everyone around the world.
Only one year after I heard the first explosions of the Israel and Lebanon War, the topic of terrorism surprisingly resurfaced on a family vacation to Hawaii. After enjoying a game of basketball with three brothers from Dallas, Texas, I had been invited to play in their school organization's annual basketball tournament. I knew that despite my love for basketball, I would never travel from California to Texas to play basketball. About six months later, I was on a plane flying to Dallas to support the organization's cause: providing relief for terrorism victims in Israel. The student-run group called themselves "Students Against Terrorism" and after witnessing this Dallas community come together to support a common cause centered thousands of miles away, I was inspired to establish a similar organization at my own school. These boys, current students of the University of Texas at Austin, have had such a strong impact on my worldviews that I wish to follow in their footsteps and become a fellow Longhorn.
By sophomore year, I had my "Students for Peace" club up and running with many members eager to spread awareness among students and the community. I urged them to leave their political views on war behind and focus on uniting to support our courageous troops and victims of terrorism worldwide. I knew there were greater issues than those reported on by our school newspaper, and was determined to expose our trapped youth to the realities the outside world. I found the importance of learning about current events from my observations in Israel and Texas and was immediately convinced that a younger, uninformed generation has the potential to compromise future international relations. Although the students' will power was unmatched, many were in need of an accompanying sense of reality.
When I began to consider my efforts to be fruitless, I was reminded of and inspired by Helen Keller's message that although one cannot do everything, one can do something; and that one should not refuse to do the something that they can do. As small-town students seeking to support a good cause, we may not have been able to overthrow tyrants in other countries, but possessed the undying power of influence. Utilizing our power, we were able to urge others to do what they can to fight terrorism in their own way, whether that was in the form of items, inspirational words, or money.
This issue not only holds importance to me, but also my family, community, and generation. My father, an Israel native, has grown up accustomed to living under constant turmoil. Whereas I hope to prevent the dispersion of this unfortunate lifestyle, I also hope to prove that witnessing acts of terrorism is not necessary for helping victims of it. It is immensely important to make the younger generation aware of both world history and current events to provide them with the knowledge needed to fight against the evils in society. Not only can this drive to become morally strong citizens result in a unity of cultures, but also reiterates the idea that strength in support can be equally, if not more, powerful as strength in violence. I have developed a new lifelong goal since being exposed to acts of terrorism and the subsequent acts of good citizenship. When given the opportunity to help another individual, I will seize it, realizing the priceless fulfillment that will result. I feel that I have attained a better understanding of the world I live in by expressing care for complete strangers. Hopefully my influence has caused them to persevere through a time of disorder and have faith that a better and safer world will arrive in the near future. Regardless of the career I decide to pursue, I will seek the same type of fulfillment, the one that results when improving another's quality of life.
Good evening :)
This is a wonderful essay! I only have a couple of suggestions:
"...in 9th grade when my close neighbor joined the American forces in Iraq, and in Israel during the Israel and Lebanon War." Is this the entire sentence? It seems like you left out an age or a year in reference to the war. If not, consider rewriting for clarity.
"...father, an Israel native..." this should be "...my father, an Israeli native..." or "...my father, a native of Israel..."
Other than that, a wonderful response! I don't see anywhere repetitive, and other than those two corrections, it is a clean piece. Great work!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
