We all exist within communities or groups of various sizes, origins, and purposes; pick one and tell us why it is important to you, and how it has shaped you.(150 word limit).
I decided to write about my circle of friends...is it too light hearted and shallow? I feel like there is no substance to the essay. Critique accordingly
I hear the piercing sound of the school bell signaling lunch. With astonishing speed, I pack my books and run down the stairs. Lunch break is my favorite time of the day, because it's the when I can spend time with my crazy band of friends (and eat lasagna).
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I really like your essay. I'm applying to Brown myself, and see my chances dim before you haha. Wish i had a bit of creative mind like you. Some grammatical things aside, i think your short answer is pretty much good to go.
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I hear the piercing sound of the school bell, signaling lunch. With astonishing speed, I pack my books and run down the stairs. I love the lunch break because I can spend time with my crazy band of friends (and eat lasagna).
To many outsiders, we're an odd mix of people. A prospective economics major sits sandwiched between a future surgeon and a biomedical engineer. A Coldplay worshiper eats peacefully with an advent anti-Chris Martin activist. (i don't know if you want to leave Coldplay in there; I had no idea what Coldplay was, and admissions officer might not either)
This table, packed with the quirkiest students in my school, means more to me than a box of assorted Godiva chocolates. This is where my individualism is welcomed rather than shunned. We learn from each other, developing more textured identities with each interaction. From them I have learned to appreciate who someone is, not what.
Maybe end with this sentence instead? === "I become more and more appreciative of the cultured environment I am graced to live in, and I look forward to an even more vivid community at Brown.
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Well, good luck, to both you and me. These essays are stressful :( What degree are you majoring at Brown? Mine would be Chemistry and maybe Mathmatics
Instead of this general description of who the members of the group are, you have to talk about why this group is important to you and your development as a person. Don't waste your time setting up the lunch scenario. Just tell us who your friends are and why they are important to you. Develop the learning and growth that happens within the group and the kind of influence you have over one another. What makes this eclectic group work? That is what we want to know about :-) So tell us more about how this group works and why it works for you in particular.
Thanks kevpang! I'm applying for Environmental Studies and International Relations. And sure, I'll check out your essay! Good luck to you too :)
Thank you so much vangiespen for you response. I see where you're coming from and we'll tweak the essay accordingly. I really appreciate it!
This is my new essay vangiespen:
To many outsiders we're an odd mix of people. A prospective economics major discusses WTO conspiracy theories with a future biomedical engineer. A Christian debates the Israeli-Palestine crisis with a Muslim. The world's first human calculator teachers calculus to a cartographer. My group of friends are a mishmash of different ethnicities, religions, interests and beliefs. At first glance, our idiosyncrasies seem like a recipe for disaster. But here, our individualism is rather a recipe for growth.
With my friends, I can be myself. They ask me, what are you going to show us? Who are you? We're addicted to each others oddities, obtaining sustenance from our uniqueness. We learn from each other, developing more textured identities with each interaction. I've learned to be more appreciative and accepting of people's individual "cultures." And now, I cannot wait to immerse myself in the even more vivid, eccentric community at Brown.
I honestly think that this new statement of yours works much better than the first version. It holds my interest from the very start and tells me a more about the group of friends that you have and how important the influence you have upon one another is. The way that their influence has helped shape the person you have become is truly evident in the diverse mix of discussions that you have, offering a very unique perspective of who you are as an individual and how you react to the various cultural and social differences that exists in the world we live in. I believe that you can already consider using this statement for your essay as it works very well as an essay prompt.
Hi leiya
This is a very enjoyable essay and I really admire your writing style. I think you answered the prompt perfectly, and linking it to how you will bring the attitude developed to Brown at the end is a nice touch.
We learn from each other one another,
As vangiespn said, the essay is ready for submission.
Hope this helps!
Thank you everyone for helping me out! Now I can place a tick next to "Brown" on my supplement essay list...
I really appreciate it :)
