blove, you are looking to become a criminal justice lawyer right? So mentioning shows like CSI, wanting to become a policeman and the like are not exactly the best examples to give in this paper. Rather, I believe that legal based shows such as the Good Wife and others would best represent your interests in criminal justice. Your paper is too generic in feel and content at this moment. You did not truly discuss your personal plans and goals for the future in such a way that you touched on how Rutger would be able to help you achieve these dreams. Does Rutger have an internship program you feel will help you develop into the lawyer (or whatever) you want to become in the future? Exactly how does a Rutger education fit into your plans? What is your current major? What made you decide to shift majors? How did you decide that Rutger would be the best university to transfer to? These are but a few questions that you need to spell out for the admission officer in your transfer essay.
So you need to define you career path at least in an educational sense for this paper to work. What is your end goal? Be specific as to how you expect Rutger to help you get to that point. Don't just say criminal justice. Say something about the training you hope to achieve as you work towards becoming (mention your goal).
I will be given the skills of critical thinking, competence,
- Exactly how do you expect Rutger to help you achieve this? That is why the essay is asking you to explain.and scholarship that will ensure me a successful career.
- There was nothing in the essay remotely asking about a scholarship. So this is not the place to mention that. Save that information for your scholarship app. This is a transfer app.