Hey, guys. Please check out my essay and offer any feedback you think will be helpful. Thanks always.
NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU? (200-400 words)
During my first week in New York City, my cousin who lived there offered to take me out to lunch at one of her favorite pizza places located in "the Village". Hailing from Bangladesh, the word "village" automatically resonates images of abundant green and gold rice paddies, sunlight glinting off straw shacks and large burgundy cows; so, of course, I had been shocked to hear that there existed a "village" in such close proximity to the Big Apple and, in fact, within it. What I found instead was, of course, completely different.
In contrast to the glass skyscrapers standing tall with their heads in the clouds, intimidating and aloof, here was a place that was homely and intimate. With humble, yet charming brownstone architecture, petite shops selling secondhand books, intimate cafes emanating the smell of freshly brewed coffee, Greenwich Village had a pleasant, Parisian feel. I was blown away. Here was a place I could call home.
Courtesy of my cousin's almost non-existent navigating skills, we ended up lost. However, my annoyance soon faded as we found ourselves in the beautiful Washington Square Park. The park hosted an eclectic mixture of people. However, what interested me most were the students - playing tunes reminiscent of Dylan, performing passionate poetry or immersed in intellectual conversation. Instantly, I knew I wanted to be part of that.
Growing up in a city the size of a small town, I feel that my surroundings lack diversity. Through my time at NYU, I wish to gain many diverse experiences and meet people from all over the world to gain new perspectives. Besides studying courses I am truly interested in, I want to experience a culture completely different from my own and expand my knowledge and understanding of the world. Becoming part of NYU, I want to draw inspiration from the community's vitality, feeding off the energetic pulse of New York.
Compared to New York City, Dhaka, the capital of Bangladesh, is infinitesimally small. However, despite its size, Dhaka has a rich culture filled to the brim with color and flavor. In my blood, runs the poetry of Tagore, the rhythm of the tabla, the taste of ilish maach and colors of rickshaw art. I wish to bring to NYU, yet another set of lens through which to view the world around us and become another drop in the melting pot of NYU's diverse cultures.
The description is beautiful, but I think you elaborate too much on the details of the place. You should describe it if you like, but not too much. I think you should add more about yourself - you wrote only one line, and it couldn't be more abstract.
Hold your horses! Why are you describing New York City when you are being asked specifically about New York University? The only common denominator between the two is that the university is located in New York. You are discussing what the city has to offer you instead of what the university has to offer you. The university offerings are the main basis for this essay prompt, not the city. You need to go back and revise that. Don't include the city in this essay, it has nothing to do with the university and what the university has to offer you. Don't get your New York's mixed up :-)
Discuss the academic offerings of NYU that you look forward to attending. Discuss how you hope NYU can help you achieve the academic and social goals you have set for yourself. Talk about the student community and how you hope to become an active participant and collaborator during your time there. Then talk about about yourself and how you see yourself becoming an integral part of the academic and social community through certain ideas that you have which you hope will challenge the academic community and create bring a new energy to the student social scene during your time at NYU. Those are the aspects of the essay that you should be responding to.
