Unanswered [12] / Featured [5] / Urgent [0]
 

Home / Undergraduate /     

NYU supplements- essay about why i chose academic program & NYU


answers: 7
Dec 26, 2009, 11:53pm   #
hi there! i'm applying to NYU, and would love some help on my short essays. they only give us 500 characters to write these, so i'm not sure how well this answers the prompt! any constructive criticism is welcome!

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

I have always been passionate about equality. In elementary school, I wanted to make sure everyone knew I was as good as any boy. In high school, I developed into an outspoken feminist, or, as one of my friends calls me, "a dirty man-hater". So, it was natural to choose Gender & Sexuality Studies as my major at NYU. There is no other school that offers such an environment as the College of Arts and Sciences does. The program there does not just offer me a chance to read and study- it gives me the chance to explore the meanings of "male" and "female" actively.
Dec 27, 2009, 12:38am   #
"a dirty man-hater"- I like this !!

I think your essay greatly shows your interest in your field. I really can feel your enthusiasm in equality. I hope you get in to NYU. Good Luck!
Dec 27, 2009, 12:43am   #
okay, thank you!
does this work any better?

I have always been passionate about equality. In high school, I developed into an outspoken feminist, or, as one of my friends calls me, "a dirty man-hater". I am constantly asking why society has separated itself into genders that have been assigned such different qualities. So, it was natural to choose Gender & Sexuality Studies as my major at NYU. There is no other school that offers such an environment as the College of Arts and Sciences does. The program there does not just offer me a chance to read and study- it gives me the chance to explore the meanings of "male" and "female" actively.
Overall, this is great and unique. I just have a few wording suggestions:

In elementary school, I wanted to make sure everyone knew that I was as good as any boy.

Throughout high school, I developed into an outspoken feminist, or, as one of my friends calls me, "a dirty man-hater".
(only because of the word "developed"; it suggests between a period of time)

Therefore, it was natural to choose Gender & Sexuality Studies as my major at NYU.

This program not only offers me a chance to read and study- it gives me a chance to actively explore the meanings of "male" and "female".

If you can, please check out my NYU supplement:
http://www.essayforum.com/undergraduate-admission-essays-2/nyu-supplem ents-summer-day-celeb-limerick-movie-pre-med-13008/

Good luck!
Dec 27, 2009, 12:44am   #
This was a bit of a disaster. I don't think you have made a logical connection to being an equalist/feminist and your interest in analyzing the phenomenon on gender. Also, your essay sounds slightly biased.

So, it was natural to choose Gender & Sexuality Studies as my major at NYU
==> in what way was it natural? need to specify.

There is no other school that offers such an environment as the College of Arts and Sciences does.
==> by what means? too vague.

The program there does not just offer me a chance to read and study- it gives me the chance to explore the meanings of "male" and "female" actively.
==> Would you think that's too general? All education is based on reading and studying. I think you could do better on describing what makes 'gender' so interesting to you.

Criticism is hard to accept and I hate to be a bringer of bad news. But to be frank, you really have many aspects you can improve on and I hope this helps. If no one criticized on your essay, you should be worried.
Esias: I believe that the reason why Emmerz could not elaborate was because of the character limit. Also, would you mind looking at my NYU supplements as well?
http://www.essayforum.com/undergraduate-admission-essays-2/nyu-supplem ents-summer-day-celeb-limerick-movie-pre-med-13008/


As to how you can elaborate more, I believ you should focus more on how experiance impacted your decision rather than why NYU. The question isn't really asking why NYU so I would make that one sentence and make it short and concise.
Dec 27, 2009, 04:08pm   #
alrighty, thanks a lot to all of you, and i do appreciate the critique! it is mostly the character count that's keeping me back from explaining. I usually have a problem with explaining too much...
but, actually, one of the goals of a feminist is to find out why society has made male and female so separate, or, why the gender barrier is there and how to tear the wall down.

so, would something like this be better:

I have always been passionate about equality. It started out as a search to find a reason behind my dad's yelling and my mom's insistence on staying with him. In high school, I became an outspoken feminist, or, as one of my friends says, "a dirty man-hater". I constantly ask why society has been separated into such opposing genders. It was easy to choose Gender Studies at NYU. This program not only gives me the chance to read and study- it gives me the chance to actively explore gender roles.

I had to shorten it, because the common app counts SPACES as characters, which is rather ridiculous.



Home / Undergraduate /

Thread closed ✓