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'My notebook is a reflection of me' - Common App


NeonGhost 5 / 20  
Oct 18, 2011   #1
This is sort of rough, it's gone through a bit of editing but nothing major.
Please critique as harshly as you can

Does it flow?
Do i need more specific examples?
what can i add to make it more interesting?
spelling/grammar?
do you like it?
is it memorable or just another essay?
Do i sound like im bragging? (i do not mean to)

Here it goes:

In the first drawer of my ancient, wooden desk is a mélange of old notebooks, brochures, folders, Pokemon cards and sketchbooks. In fact, it looks so much like the stereotypic teenage workspace that no one realizes that within all of that paper and plastic lies the quintessence of my existence: a notebook. Two hundred college ruled sheets of paper are sandwiched between red, glittery cellophane covered cardboard and black plastic-like material. A metal spiral binds it all together.

Although I've never been afraid of extrinsic changes (I hate routine), the possibility of my own preferences, interests and mindsets changing scares the pants off me. So I decided to keep track, periodically recording my thoughts, feelings and ideas. This way, I was able to "backup" my brain to a hard drive (my notebook).

At first I treated it like a diary, writing every day about my usual activities- school, fencing, homework, school. Eventually I got tired of that and stopped writing for a while. Then one day I found myself incredibly distressed and lacking an emotion outlet. That's when I remembered my notebook. Its enticing crimson cover almost seemed to call out to me from within my desk. As I began writing, relief immediately filled my head. I felt as if I was leaving my problems behind with every transcribed word. I was surprised at how naturally and readily writing came to me. I realized I could step back and look at my actions and decisions from an analytical viewpoint just as if I was impartially reading what I had wrote in my notebook a few days later.

Inspiration effortlessly flowed into me after that. Whenever I had a particularly eventful day or an interesting dream or plainly felt like ranting, I knew who to turn to, who would eagerly listen to what I had to say all the while alleviating and sorting out the jumbled mess that racketed my brain. The organization I used in my notebook imprinted itself onto my methods of thinking. Brain maps no longer had to be made on paper; I could imagine the outcomes of situations and steps that needed to be taken to achieve them while simultaneously plotting cost vs. benefit on a graph.

As time went on, I started forming connections and mentally categorizing every new concept and conclusion I reached. Recognizing patterns and trends became almost a second-nature to me. With the help of my notebook, my intrapersonal intelligence went from zero to having the ability to explain the psychological aspects and motivations behind almost everything I did. Whoever said that overanalyzation is bad?

And it wasn't solely for reflection. I took my notebook on explorations of mythical places and relayed my encounters with supernatural hit men and guiding spirits as well as journeys to the uninhabited realms of horror movie monsters and medieval pirates. It accompanied me on motorcycle races and memorized Latin conjugations as I did. It proudly rejoiced as I relayed the details of the latest fencing victory and silently sympathized with my family and social dramas. The notebook was a permanent and trustworthy companion in my life.

My notebook is more than just an inanimate collection of lined paper, no, it is a reflection of me- pieces of my life in written form.
inverselogic 1 / 10  
Oct 18, 2011   #2
Wow, it's really good. But I'm curious, what topic did you choose?

Here's some suggestions:

The last couple of sentences in the first paragraph are a little iffy. Try experimenting with the words until you get a better result. For example: "Bound by a metal spiral, two hundred college ruled sheets of paper are sandwiched between red, glittery cellophane-covered cardboard and black plastic-like material." Even though it's still passive voice, I think that is a little better. But go with what you like!

In considering your audience, I think that "scares the pants off me" is a little informal. Is there a better way to word that?

"Whoever said that overanalyzation is bad?" is an incomplete sentence. I think you mean, "Who ever said that overanalyzation was bad?"

I don't know if you want to change this, but you used "relayed" twice in your second to last paragraph.

In the last sentence, the "no" is unnecessary. You can replace it with a semi-colon.

Yes, I think it is bragging slightly, but I don't think it's that apparent. Overall, great essay; hope I helped a little! (I'm best at correcting grammar and such, not so much the overall flow or content of the essay, sorry! But I think it's good, if my opinion is worth anything.)
OP NeonGhost 5 / 20  
Oct 18, 2011   #3
It is! thank you!
gahh I don't want to sound like im bragging.
and thanks for the tips, those were helpful :)

and I just chose "topic of your choice" :P
calvin 3 / 6  
Oct 27, 2011   #4
I liked your intro sentence because it sort of helped to set the mood and the setting which then transitioned to the main topic your notebook. You pretty much stayed on topic for the essay so I don't think there is anything wrong.
OP NeonGhost 5 / 20  
Oct 27, 2011   #5
Is it too formal or not personal enough?
Does my voice show through?
calvin 3 / 6  
Oct 27, 2011   #6
No, I think it's personal enough because you talked about your experiences with the notebook during good times and bad times. Really it's a pretty good essay compared to mine lol.


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