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'normal magnification' - UT Austin essay B- starting paragraph


alana327 2 / 2  
Nov 25, 2012   #1
the prompt is this:
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

so far, I have written this:

It's all about perspective

-It all started with one simple pluck of my mom's tweezers as I stared into a highly magnified mirror. "Wow," I thought, "One hair gone has simply lightened my whole eye area up! One more hair gone will make me look even better!" As I continued to hack away at my luscious eyebrows, I started to feel older, wiser, even prettier! After twenty minutes or so, I put down the tired tweezers and flipped the mirror to the side with normal magnification. The girl I saw staring back at me was not older, not wiser, and definitely not prettier. In fact, I looked horrendous! My eyes were puffy and red, with a shaky line of hairs shadowing where my eye brows once were. In my highly magnified view of my eye brows, I had seen little hairs and imperfections that I normally would never have seen otherwise and in turn, I had annihilated them. What I learned that fateful day in seventh grade was more than just how not to pluck my eye brows; it was a lesson on how to look at life, namely, in the big picture. When one starts picking apart miniscule details, they often neglect to remember the bigger picture, as I did.-

-

I want to go into how its all about how you choose to look at life, but i'm not really sure; can i make this into an issue of importance? am i on the right track? any any any advice is welcomed!!!!
cc2013 1 / 2  
Nov 27, 2012   #2
That last sentence is awesome. Love how you tied all that together at the end. Just focus on a stronger intro. & Yes, you are on track.


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