Capitalize the W in 'why' for that first line... "Why do you..."
Here is what came ot mind for me:
One of the most well-known stereotypes is the nerdy Asian kid, and I am its personification. People ask, "Why do you try so hard?" How can I not? I am not just me; I am my mother's daughter, my father's daughter,and the reflection of the other people who raised me.
The quote by Confucius is about the study of history, so it seems irrelevant, unless you modify it:
Confucius once said, "You must study the past in order to divine the future," but in a sense I
am the future, and my parents' past experiences enabled them to sculpt me into ___________.
Hey, I just noticed the great input by Ryan! Thanks, Ryan, for the time you have been investing in EF.
She was forced (by whom?) to leave my father behind in faraway Vietnam in order to come to a new country and provide for her family the American dream.
So, the active voice would be like this:
Circumstances forced her to leave my father behind...
As Ryan mentioned, it really does make the sentence much more powerful!
An Pham, I think you should read the essay again and think of what is the most important concept, the one you want the reader to remember. Then, add one more sentence to the end of that first paragraph. Make it a sentence that tells your THEME. Make it a sentence that tells the concept that YOU choose, the concept that will represent you in the reader's mind. Maybe it involves a sense of
responsibility.