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'nature conscious person' - Common app; my dad as significant person


ehawk20 1 / -  
Nov 10, 2012   #1
Please be as critical as possible!

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

My dad took me to and brought me home from every soccer practice and watched every game. Before he went off to work my mom and I would "fight" for the last hug. He taught me how to swim, how to ride my bike, how to fish, and how to identify birds: even now I could probably name every bird in my yard at the moment. I can recall countless hours snuggled up next to him on the couch as he would read to me in his deep, dramatic story-telling voice, or as we watched the show Nature together on PBS. At the time all these small moments didn't seem so important, but now, looking back on them, every minute I spent with my dad was monumental in shaping me into who I am today.

My father was one of those men who didn't always have a lot to say, but when he did have something to say, it was important, and people listened. It was obvious that he weighed his words carefully before each one left his mouth. I can still picture him, sitting back in his favorite recliner, stroking his beard as he pondered some deep thought. He was incredibly intelligent, having done extremely well at very good schools, and he was always wanting to learn more. He took over the family business, and even though it wasn't going incredibly well, he still worked very hard and managed to keep it going and provided well for our large family.

Whenever I got into trouble, he wouldn't yell at me, he wouldn't punish me harshly, he would just get disappointed in me, and that was a far worse punishment than anything he could have done to me. He is the major reason why I always stayed in line, I always got very good grades in school, I never skipped sports practices, I always did my chores, and I always kept my promises. He inspired me, and still inspires me, to dream big, to take the hardest classes, to learn as much as my brain can possibly take in, and to work hard now so that I can provide for my future.

The countless hours we spent together bird-watching, fishing, and watching nature programs on T.V. have made me into the very nature conscious person I am today. I am an active member in the school's ecology club and do my best to conserve energy, keep the environment clean, and recycle. In my backyard we once found a baby squirrel whose mother had been killed by a hawk, so we brought it in and carefully nursed it back to health, keeping it warm and feeding it milk, eventually releasing it back into the woods. That was a proud moment for me, knowing we had just saved that animal's life. That, I think, was the moment I realized I wanted to be a doctor, and this dream was all thanks to my dad.
rondevious 1 / 13 3  
Nov 11, 2012   #2
I don't mean to be harsh... but your essay is lacking substance.

It sounds extremely generic like yada yada my father is great he taught me blah blah blah and now I wanna be blah blah blah.

I think if you took this essay in a different and unique approach that would attract admissions more so.

If you are in Texas top ten percent I wouldn't worry too much, if you are not in that catagory, I strongly suggest to rewrite your essay.

Talk about a more specific instance of impact- show imagery and details of what happened like going in depth about a bird watching experience.
You talk about your father too much without being able to fully pin point a particular trait he engrained into you. BE PRECISE. BE DETAILED.

Some grammatical errors, but you ought to rewrite some things first.


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