Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly
content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful
to you? 400-650
My name is Camp Horseshoe Scout Reservation, and I am a
Boy ScoutcCamp located in Rising Sun Maryland, right off of Route One.
I have been around for little over 100 years, which has allowed the
trees and vegetation to engulf me. I have seen thousands of scouts
come and go. Usually, it's easy to tell which scouts really have a
passion for scouting - they are the ones who return even as adults.
There is one kid who has been involved with scouts his
entire life and always enjoyed eating his grandmother's homemade
pizzelles on a rock that overlooks the river that runs around me known
as Mermaid's Rock. His name is Philip Ruffini and from the first time
he came to visit me, we have been extremely close. Philip wasn't sure
if he enjoyed scouts or not until his first year with me. Since then
we have been inseparable. I have watched him grow from a small child
and develop into a young man.
Philip has come a long way from the first year he visited
me. Since the first time he was only a patrol leader in his troop, I
have observed him develop his leadership skills. The greatest impact
Philip had on me was his time spent as Lodge Chief, leading the Order
of the Arrow and developing his own leadership qualities. The Order of
the Arrow is the national honor society of the Boy Scouts and is an
organization that commends the qualities of cheerful service. Philip
realized all that I had given him, so he took the opportunity to give
back to me as well when he ran the lodge for Chester County. While
Philip served as Lodge Chief he created and helped to lead a new
program where Cub Scouts, and their friends, can find out more about
Boy Scouts and visit Horseshoe for the day. The point of the program
is to increase the membership of Boy Scouts in Chester County, which
it has. Other than leadership, Philip's time spent as lodge chief has
taught him how to present himself in a professional manor as well as
admit when he is wrong.
While the program, Cub Recruitment day is for Cub Scouts,
Boy scouts will make the most unlikely of friends at camp as they will
talk to people they never dreamed of meeting. Scouts do not care who
you are or where you are from, they are just looking to make new
friends. For Philip, the friends he has made have turned into his
brothers. Every year Philip comes back to visit me and his bond with
his friends only grows. Through late night campfires, hikes, and
service projects such as building a gateway, Philip has made
friendships that will last a lifetime.
This past year Philip turned eighteen and is now
considered an adult in Boy Scouts. However, now his role has only
grown more important as he has stuck around to help guide younger
scouts onto the same path that changed his life. Philip knows that I
offer scouts an opportunity to grow as leaders in an environment
unlike any other. Some people have this idea that people are either
born leaders or followers. Well, I have seen scouts come to camp for
the first time whom are unsure of themselves and quiet. These same
scouts leave camp a few years later with leadership skills that are
better than most adults.
Philip comes down to see me multiple times through out the year, but
one particular instance sticks in my mind. I caught him talking to
himself on his beloved Mermaid's Rock. Believe it or not, he was
thanking me, as his life would not be the same with out his
experiences from Horseshoe. Philip felt that with out me, he never
would have developed leadership skills, learned humility and
professionalism, been able to work effectively in a team, and make so
many close friends.
It's a very interesting way of writing. But because you are writing it from your point of view, you can't really describe your feelings, which is the main purpose of the essay
This is a well written essay. However, it fails to answer the prompt because you do not speak in first person pronouns (I, me, mine, my...). You should take everything that the camp is saying about you in this essay and rewrite it all in first person. This essay is all about you and your sense of contentment at a certain place. Speak for yourself. Be confident in what you have to say and how you say it. If you cannot express yourself in first person within this essay then the admissions officer will not read it to the end. Why? Because you obviously did not understand the prompt that instructs you to "Describe your experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?
You. That is the keyword. The answer to such a prompt is always in the form of me, myself, I, mine, etc. It cannot be related in a passive second voice like you do in this version. It cannot be second hand information given by someone else. You must relate the whole experience from your own memory and how you experienced it in order to make this essay work towards answering the prompt completely.
Use first the first person voice. I assure you, that will solve 99 percent of this essay's problems :-)
aren't writing it from your point of view*, I meant
This was a really different and interesting approach to writing the essay. I liked how you aligned your perspective with the place you find comfort in. Also how you really bring out the vibe of childhood in the story; it somehow feels really nostalgic.
However, I wonder if it says enough about you. Maybe you could figure out how to add something that would make it more personal, more you. Because the story is not from your perspective, i think it fails to bring out your emotions and values.
That being said, I think you need to make a few minor changes to your essay, but other than that, your good to go. I really liked it. And the title is perfect- it's interesting and really draws the reader right in!
